Don't let your circumstances get you down ..
Don't get affected by other people's mentality ... cause you can't change 'em
.........
Things take their time ....hold on
You can't change your destiny.... neither .....
shirk your responsibilities.
what's meant to happen........ will happen .
Don't think too much .... you can't change anything by thinking ...so stop.
Above are glimpses of conversations.... innuendoes ...... i've been fed over the past couple of days........
Whats new ? Nothing.
Actually worse than nothing.
People around me keep moving on.
Everyone... i seem to be talking with seems to be doing something ...
Something....
Changing.... Evolving ....
Nurturing .... dreams, hopes and aspirations and taking positive strides towards their fulfillment.
Yes,another semester has started in bong land .
Surrounded by an all too well known nepotistic bengali mentality .....accompanied with the rather new ... the rather dull... the rather unrealistic.... the rather vague......the rather unclear views of a so-called changing city ..and its political landscape.
The overawing feeling i get is that i am late ....I have missed the bus .
I did not do enough.Did not be true to my feelings and stand up for them enough when it was needed.I did not work hard enough . Think seriously enough ... Supported myself enough ...the list is endless.
I take longer to realise some things than others would.
My good friends will tell you i am an astoundingly horrible judge of people.
I am delusional...I am childish in many ways.... Too straight and emotional ...to be the one i aspire .... Mostly ..Above all.... I am always late....
Those voices again keep telling me ....
It's better late than never............
at this moment ... I feel ... I would better be dead than late...
Signing off...
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Mutual Understanding ...
"You had to screw it up dint you ?? "
" Like hell i did !... I wanted to be in power ... I fed the beast .. made it grow "
" See what you have done now ? The frankenstein you created is destroying this place "
" So what ?? I did what I had to... "
" But what of the People ... ? The ones to were supposedly charged with looking after ,ruling over ... what of them ? Who'll help them ? You created the monster !!... Kill it now !! "
" But you see ... I can't ... Killing it will destroy all Hope i have of recapturing my throne ...Don't you see ? "
" Well If you can't neither can I ... If I raise a voice I'll lose out and make you the beneficiary ... I can't dare upset the beast .... But what of the people ?? "
"Guess ... The people ... just have to suffer ."
" Guess so ....." .
" Like hell i did !... I wanted to be in power ... I fed the beast .. made it grow "
" See what you have done now ? The frankenstein you created is destroying this place "
" So what ?? I did what I had to... "
" But what of the People ... ? The ones to were supposedly charged with looking after ,ruling over ... what of them ? Who'll help them ? You created the monster !!... Kill it now !! "
" But you see ... I can't ... Killing it will destroy all Hope i have of recapturing my throne ...Don't you see ? "
" Well If you can't neither can I ... If I raise a voice I'll lose out and make you the beneficiary ... I can't dare upset the beast .... But what of the people ?? "
"Guess ... The people ... just have to suffer ."
" Guess so ....." .
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Reality
CAse 1 ........ Park street - Walking by the park at 8 pm on an saturday evening and a non-bengali teenager lurches out of the darkness .... and asks " college girls ?? college girls ?? " .................. ????????? what the fuck........
CAse 2...... - Smoking a fag with a friend on the street side .... a Bihari dude... riding a fast bike from the wrong side ... loses control , slips , skids to a stop in front of us .... friend has the stupidity /audacity to say " excuse me ...aapka galti hai ... .wrong side se aa rahe the ... " ....... all hell breaks lose ........ DUDE retaliates with a barrage of threats and gestures....... and i find myself surrounded by hostile faces...... older saner Bihari comes and defuses the situation ..........
Case 3 ..... - Children about 4/5 yrs old playing on the streets all day ... using the most sexually explicit language imaginable ........... accompanied with hand gestures.... OFCOURSE !!
CAl has lost its voice. It's people .
YEs........ this is the CAl that we once knew .............. A deranged society filled with anti-social elements ruling the roost .... No morality . No culture . No Hope .
An no one dare raise a voice ... you shall get branded anti-secular / political ... etc etc etc .... CAl has lost the tag of being one of the favoured places to live in . It can no longer give you a piece of mind,security, sense of compassion and hope for the future... with the current political scenario future looks bleak . CAl has changed ... The only reason this city hasn't fallen totally to the gutters is because it is the eastern command of the army . When the rest of India has taken strides forward .... CAl has fallen into darkness.... And no -one dare raise a voice. Please ... carry one..... spoil our city even more.... we don't care...really ... what can we do ? After all we were just born here .... You guys have come from all - over .... you guys are Indians and hence have equal right to defame the culture of this place ... Please Go on ..... we can't dare raise a voice... You guys are the vote bank ... No one will hear us .. Please Go on.
CAse 2...... - Smoking a fag with a friend on the street side .... a Bihari dude... riding a fast bike from the wrong side ... loses control , slips , skids to a stop in front of us .... friend has the stupidity /audacity to say " excuse me ...aapka galti hai ... .wrong side se aa rahe the ... " ....... all hell breaks lose ........ DUDE retaliates with a barrage of threats and gestures....... and i find myself surrounded by hostile faces...... older saner Bihari comes and defuses the situation ..........
Case 3 ..... - Children about 4/5 yrs old playing on the streets all day ... using the most sexually explicit language imaginable ........... accompanied with hand gestures.... OFCOURSE !!
CAl has lost its voice. It's people .
YEs........ this is the CAl that we once knew .............. A deranged society filled with anti-social elements ruling the roost .... No morality . No culture . No Hope .
An no one dare raise a voice ... you shall get branded anti-secular / political ... etc etc etc .... CAl has lost the tag of being one of the favoured places to live in . It can no longer give you a piece of mind,security, sense of compassion and hope for the future... with the current political scenario future looks bleak . CAl has changed ... The only reason this city hasn't fallen totally to the gutters is because it is the eastern command of the army . When the rest of India has taken strides forward .... CAl has fallen into darkness.... And no -one dare raise a voice. Please ... carry one..... spoil our city even more.... we don't care...really ... what can we do ? After all we were just born here .... You guys have come from all - over .... you guys are Indians and hence have equal right to defame the culture of this place ... Please Go on ..... we can't dare raise a voice... You guys are the vote bank ... No one will hear us .. Please Go on.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Security lost ... Deserted and Left
The peace has Left this place ... Peace has Left without a trace .
Yet Innocence searches for a quantum of grace and solace .
This land ,My land has been swept away by the Tide Of Times
...As I keep searching for a line that rhymes ..
To Express to you... The Hatred of losing my lovely Land
Who robbed this land of it's character ?
Why do people around me keep leaving this place .. ?
Friends ,relatives and neighbours ... some i've known for years ...
Some more recent... Yet they are leaving just the same !!
Who has failed to keep up the promise that this land once held ?
Is it the people ? The Government ?
Who has made this state Just another dying race ?
I look around me ..In search of Hope ... But there's none to find. ..
When my friend's keep leaving ... why should I be Left behind ?
In this life ... sentiments have no place ...
Reasonableness is the call of the hour ..the Day !
This land is lost ... Too much is wrong .
An irreversible cycle has been surreptitiously put into place ..
Secretively a new order has emerged...
One that wields it's ugly head time and again .
This land is lost ... It can't be reclaimed ...
My friends..
I can see Doomsday looming large.
But I can't warn you ...
I can only silently watch ..
As this Plague destroys my land till nothing is Left .
Oh ! But there's nothing Left in this place .
Hope the powers that be .
Realize their mistakes...
Hope they reverse this the cycle of Hate ..
But its only a foolish dream
Words i say out of sentiment ..
And sentiments have no place ...
I long to be at peace ...
One day ..I shall have my peace......
But .. Not Yet ..
Not yet ...
Yet Innocence searches for a quantum of grace and solace .
This land ,My land has been swept away by the Tide Of Times
...As I keep searching for a line that rhymes ..
To Express to you... The Hatred of losing my lovely Land
Who robbed this land of it's character ?
Why do people around me keep leaving this place .. ?
Friends ,relatives and neighbours ... some i've known for years ...
Some more recent... Yet they are leaving just the same !!
Who has failed to keep up the promise that this land once held ?
Is it the people ? The Government ?
Who has made this state Just another dying race ?
I look around me ..In search of Hope ... But there's none to find. ..
When my friend's keep leaving ... why should I be Left behind ?
In this life ... sentiments have no place ...
Reasonableness is the call of the hour ..the Day !
This land is lost ... Too much is wrong .
An irreversible cycle has been surreptitiously put into place ..
Secretively a new order has emerged...
One that wields it's ugly head time and again .
This land is lost ... It can't be reclaimed ...
My friends..
I can see Doomsday looming large.
But I can't warn you ...
I can only silently watch ..
As this Plague destroys my land till nothing is Left .
Oh ! But there's nothing Left in this place .
Hope the powers that be .
Realize their mistakes...
Hope they reverse this the cycle of Hate ..
But its only a foolish dream
Words i say out of sentiment ..
And sentiments have no place ...
I long to be at peace ...
One day ..I shall have my peace......
But .. Not Yet ..
Not yet ...
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
COnfused
Who am I ? The most difficult question that I shall ever have to answer . I am a sum of parts ....rather than a whole .... a cluster of incongruent parts constantly striving against each other to become the 'me' of that moment ...for that day .
I do not know me . How can i be so diverse and complex when i profess simplicity on the outward face ... ? How can i be equally attracted to polar opposites of entities ... I am an amalgamation of contradictions ..... What surprises and worries me ... Is the fact that ... none of these different me's is the dominant 'me' .
One part of me says I am a burden to my friends .... that i should really care for people more... the other part says i already care too much .......... One part of me is able ,upfront and confident ......... the other ..... a confused entity sulking all day long . One part of me says I have a good life .... the other want's to run away and be 'independent' .
Many things influence ,inspire and leave indelible impressions on our lives .... every day .... something is added to our self . We may not notice it... But every day we take a new form ... one that is unique ... one that we have never been before.
Who shall i be when i wake up tomorrow ... ?? I do not know my friend . :-)
I do not know me . How can i be so diverse and complex when i profess simplicity on the outward face ... ? How can i be equally attracted to polar opposites of entities ... I am an amalgamation of contradictions ..... What surprises and worries me ... Is the fact that ... none of these different me's is the dominant 'me' .
One part of me says I am a burden to my friends .... that i should really care for people more... the other part says i already care too much .......... One part of me is able ,upfront and confident ......... the other ..... a confused entity sulking all day long . One part of me says I have a good life .... the other want's to run away and be 'independent' .
Many things influence ,inspire and leave indelible impressions on our lives .... every day .... something is added to our self . We may not notice it... But every day we take a new form ... one that is unique ... one that we have never been before.
Who shall i be when i wake up tomorrow ... ?? I do not know my friend . :-)
Friday, April 17, 2009
Never judge a book............
I don't know the reason for my self imposed exile from writing ...The lack of new ideas ,the absence of anything 'eventful' in my rather dull ....ordinary.. social life,and the never ending fiasco i call my college has added to the monotony.Just sick and tired of college and way things are run there . But am not writing this to whine about anything .The inspiration behind this post is the rather extraordinary life changing performance on a reality TV show called "Britain's got Talent" by a 47 yr old unemployed single lady ,with shabby clothes and grizzled hair going by the name of Susan Boyle .
She comes on stage. The expressions of the judges and audience leaves nothing to the imagination what they think of her ....when she declares she always dreamt of being a pop star....... She isn't blessed with good looks...... She has never even been kissed... When asked what age she was.... she says 47 ..and with a gyrating movement of her hips (!!!) cheekily declares "But thats only one side of it " .
The judges give her a sarcastic go ahead when she says she wants to sing "I DREAMED A DREAM " ..the les miserables classic..........Now ,to be fair to them up until this point i myself was one of them ..... thinking this woman to be another joke. I mean .......like....... Come on dude !! ....... How can a 47 year old nobody ...who looks like THAT ever deliver a good show . This was to provide a good comic relief i figured .
Then she signals for the music to start and from then onwards what followed was a masterclass in the most refined,impassioned singing one shall ever see . A sobering experience for the viewers . A lesson for our cynical minds . A reinforcement of the age old adage of never to judge a book by its cover . It was the "ROCKY " moment ........The "ISTANBUL" (football lovers will know) moment of reality Tv. Even if this lady never sings another tune in her entire life she has achieved greatness .
This extraordinary show by a previously 47 yr old nobody epitomises what's important in life . Her genuine nature has won over the world in those 4 minutes of fame. She had the the cynical crowd and the judges purring with delight at the end of her song... a standing ovation from the once cynical audience and 20 million views in 6 days and counting .... the angelic voice ... the honesty ..... and a message to the world......
" never judge a book by it's cover " ! :-)
The link to video is given below ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4&feature=related
She comes on stage. The expressions of the judges and audience leaves nothing to the imagination what they think of her ....when she declares she always dreamt of being a pop star....... She isn't blessed with good looks...... She has never even been kissed... When asked what age she was.... she says 47 ..and with a gyrating movement of her hips (!!!) cheekily declares "But thats only one side of it " .
The judges give her a sarcastic go ahead when she says she wants to sing "I DREAMED A DREAM " ..the les miserables classic..........Now ,to be fair to them up until this point i myself was one of them ..... thinking this woman to be another joke. I mean .......like....... Come on dude !! ....... How can a 47 year old nobody ...who looks like THAT ever deliver a good show . This was to provide a good comic relief i figured .
Then she signals for the music to start and from then onwards what followed was a masterclass in the most refined,impassioned singing one shall ever see . A sobering experience for the viewers . A lesson for our cynical minds . A reinforcement of the age old adage of never to judge a book by its cover . It was the "ROCKY " moment ........The "ISTANBUL" (football lovers will know) moment of reality Tv. Even if this lady never sings another tune in her entire life she has achieved greatness .
This extraordinary show by a previously 47 yr old nobody epitomises what's important in life . Her genuine nature has won over the world in those 4 minutes of fame. She had the the cynical crowd and the judges purring with delight at the end of her song... a standing ovation from the once cynical audience and 20 million views in 6 days and counting .... the angelic voice ... the honesty ..... and a message to the world......
" never judge a book by it's cover " ! :-)
The link to video is given below ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4&feature=related
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
random post........
I don't know how the past few weeks have passed me by . Have been dwindling and sleeping away my time. The lazy feelings that comes with being a procrastinating bong,the laid back calcutta feel and the energy-sapping summer afternoons of cal seem to have gotten a grasp over me. Time seems to fly by so quickly ...too quickly .
New Year's seems like yesterday and April is knocking on the door.
Nothing much seems to have changed though . The traffic is just as loud , the streets just as dirty ... the people just as diverse.
Silence has been a loyal companion to me over the years . And its something i can repose complete trust in .It has brought me out of the madness ...the silliness of people around and my own .
The lack of opportunity here in this city i love....is dreadful to say the least. Calcutta has its nuances ..it's old world charm .... mixed with the poverty ,the dirt ...the madness .... and it takes an equally mad soul to find reason in this world of the mad M and the bad B.
National elections are around the corner ...and the political circus has well and truly gotten underway.With political backstabbing...dirty underhand deals and the usual fanfare that accompanies an Indian election the news channels are having a field day .
A government will be formed nonetheless ,with an able or not-so-able Prime Minister governing over his/her 'cause-driven' disciples.Yes the madness shall continue ...
whoever may come to power ....BUT .... what change does it bring to the country ..if any ? Does the common man really give a damn who talks his/her non-sense at the top... when there is nothing but deprivation and want all around ?
It better not to think too big . Better not to worry about the big picture.Concentrate on my own life. Making a living for myself . That's enough for me . That's what everybody does.
What if the system is screwed up ? I am a part of it. Too small and insignificant an object. So are we all. Roll on.
Calcutta .... dirt ... poverty .... madness... so what ?
kolkata ache bhai .... aar calcutta nei
New Year's seems like yesterday and April is knocking on the door.
Nothing much seems to have changed though . The traffic is just as loud , the streets just as dirty ... the people just as diverse.
Silence has been a loyal companion to me over the years . And its something i can repose complete trust in .It has brought me out of the madness ...the silliness of people around and my own .
The lack of opportunity here in this city i love....is dreadful to say the least. Calcutta has its nuances ..it's old world charm .... mixed with the poverty ,the dirt ...the madness .... and it takes an equally mad soul to find reason in this world of the mad M and the bad B.
National elections are around the corner ...and the political circus has well and truly gotten underway.With political backstabbing...dirty underhand deals and the usual fanfare that accompanies an Indian election the news channels are having a field day .
A government will be formed nonetheless ,with an able or not-so-able Prime Minister governing over his/her 'cause-driven' disciples.Yes the madness shall continue ...
whoever may come to power ....BUT .... what change does it bring to the country ..if any ? Does the common man really give a damn who talks his/her non-sense at the top... when there is nothing but deprivation and want all around ?
It better not to think too big . Better not to worry about the big picture.Concentrate on my own life. Making a living for myself . That's enough for me . That's what everybody does.
What if the system is screwed up ? I am a part of it. Too small and insignificant an object. So are we all. Roll on.
Calcutta .... dirt ... poverty .... madness... so what ?
kolkata ache bhai .... aar calcutta nei
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Fool... Fool...Fool
"Everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
But you and I know what this world can do
So lets make our steps clear that the other may see
And Ill wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me"
A lapse of reason.... foolish yet heartfelt
An Utopia it is ..I know ...
No worries when this thought is with me ...
A brighter Yesterday,today and tomorrow
I drift through the greens ...
The Broken fields ..mountains ..oceans ...
The vivacity of life enriches me...
So foolish ,yet kind ...Can't I hold this feeling forever ?
No broken sigh..... .
I love this Audacity of Hope.
Please Life... To me ...be kind.
Then I lose the thought .... I don't know how ...
Don't know why .
Who made me lose Hope ?
It's like i've taken a few steps back again.
Maybe...I don't want to get hurt anymore...
Broken expectations has dealt me a tragic blow.
This is the only me you get ...
The one who depends on himself...
No one else.
I am mine.
This Life is mine.
Yet,I fall into the trap again.
This expectation from myself...
A foolish mentality ...
I dream in airs ... without a trace of logic or sense.
I dream big ..yet do not know the work to be done hence.
So .. I pray to Thee ...
The Higher power above ...
Bless me with logic , love and good sense.
"We said we'd walk together baby come what may
That come the twilight should we lose our way
If as we are walking a hand should slip free
Ill wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me"
May God Bless .
Goodnight. :-)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Blackbird
Shattered glass strewn across the floor
A conglomeration of mismatched images galore
Wallowing cry from distance..condescending me from afar
The black shore , the black tide ..where do I belong ?
A silent night...nothin stirs... I can't sleep
My head weeps ....My nightmares are too loud ..
Echoing cries come back to haunt me...
Glimpses of HOpe,Faith,Love.. Illusions all ..
The trust is gone... Cynicism is my right ..
Yes Cynicism...And hatred for it all...
I want to escape..but hands are tied...
No am stuck here... With this voice in my head ..
It won't let me sleep... I cry out....
I try to weep... the tears have dried...
I cannot but my anger vent ... I don't know
What cause is this ?? ... who had this anger sent ?
A black bird..comes flying by ... I look into her hollow eyes.
Am laughing...I mock myself.....
The BLAckBird has set me free.....
COme over to the dark side.
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