Jus' a thot ..

Money can't buy you love...It can't buy you happiness...'Cause there r somethings in life ..which money jus can't buy ......For everything else ...there's ..well..money.

despondency ??

I have been meaning to write this for sometime now...Something about myself ...To give this blog a sense of personal belonging ... however weird that may sound ! But the thing is ..... I am quite reluctant when it comes to writing about me....I quite don't know what to write. I don't have a happening "massive si love story" happening. And I don't have other 'exciting' things happening around me either... Neither can I enlighten you with an in-depth take on love ,life,politics ,etc..etc . No I'm just an ordinary 21yr old engineering student..Supposed to be studying...Supposed to be 'industry ready' (hate that expression) in a couple of years ...But what i feel is an overwhelming ,all-pervading sense of having wasted my time with these things. I mean ... I don't want to know the logistics of what a tiny chip can do .... I don't want to know what autometa /automata is (i still don't know how that's spelled ......)How are these 'great' things gonna help me ? What purpose can me mugging up such @$%#% stuff possibly serve ? I have been living in a bubble.. Yes a bubble of hope ,expectation,desires and dreams ...an all too vulnerable,intangible entity waiting to burst at any given time....... and cause tangible harm .Feeling despondent to the core . **sigh**

Lone Warrior

I am lone warrior
Loneliness is my strength
All i have to help me
Are my hands and my own head.


Knowing myself makes me strong
For no one do i need to long
Why should i try and know the world -
When the world is so fake ?


The world has nothing to give
And nothing can it take
Why should I trust in others ?
When I can trust in myself ?
Why in others -
Should i have faith?


Facing the cold breeze of reality..
Or under the red sky at night
Alone in the wilderness called life
Makes the blood flowing through my veins feel alive.


I have nothing to fear
Only me ... and my thoughts..
And if I can exorcise all my own demons
My pains and fears shall be lost


I don't need no one
For I believe in myself
And for myself alone ... shall I fight-
Shall I live .... shall I die ...

A shielded us

Why must we continually prove to the world that we are strong ? Why must we constantly put up a shield to cover who we really are ? Why must we be hypocrites ? Lets accept it. We are all hypocrites aren't we ?Me ,you ...and everyone you know..and have ever known and sadly ...will ever know . We all lie. Everybody lies. Why is that the way it should be ? I ask you ...whats genuine ? Is that smile we portray always genuine ? Are all our emotions always genuine ? Do we always speak our mind ? Why must we go through life making compromises ? Why should we put on a fake smile...and say Thank you when sometimes what we really want to say is .... Fuck you. No - That intangible shield must stay ...People never want to let others know what they are really thinking of. It's our protection.A cover against the fears we hold .We are all so reluctant...so afraid .. too lazy .. to let that shield down. We are afraid to let new people into that circle of trust we hold.

Getting hurt ... failure is inevitable .Its how we to it react that counts. Most often what happens is we put ourselves in this shell....a box...behind this shield ..................and restrict ourselves from the world around. But unless one gets hurt,one can never grow.If you never try you'll never know who you truly are...What the hell are we afraid of ? Of hurt? Of betrayal ?

Must this shielded us always continue ? Must these subtle games of society always continue ? Maybe i'm being cynical ... but expressing you're true self with the world around is perceived as a sign of weakness........It exposes us and who we are...Without any cover for support to hide under....Open to getting torn apart by the envisioned evils of this world . Hence ,why we feel the need for this shield. This not so fake ... but a rather protected.....Shielded Us.

Injustice Accepted

"An injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere"
----------------------------------------------------


I accepted an injustice
I let it all go ..
'cause sometimes in life
You just have to say NO.

Was i right to accept what i did?
To save my own skin ?
To remain silent through it all ?
When i wanted so badly to speak ?

You were the one in power ..
The one who held the reins ..
But i have no respect ,
For a character so suspect .

I don't know why you did it ?
Don't know why you lied ...
Maybe what you did was meant to break me
But believe me you couldn't even shake me.

No ..the humiliation you bestowed
Has only given me new Hope
For its people like you I hate
The ones who misuse power and spread hate.

I know I degraded myself
To have reacted the way I did
Out of sheer shock to your lies,
To myself I've now apologized.

Every coin has two sides
And from this now i know ,
Many things about you -
And few others who put on a show.

No - I've learned my lessons
What you did i may have forgiven
But believe me when I say that-
I shall never forget.

You're still the one in power ,
You may try to hurt me more
'm up for it ..For you I do not rate
You are nothing great .. enough said .

I accepted an injustice
I let it all go ..
'cause sometimes in life
You just have to say NO.

Contrasting emotions.

To whosoever it may concern ,

The first I saw of you.I hated you.You came across as one of those spoiled proud ..'I-am -superior to you' sort.Then we got to talking.I changed my opinion of you.We spent hours talking.We became great friends.Or atleast I thought so.We were there for each other,like good friends should.Slowly,our friendship took a different turn . I had never wanted to feel this way. It just happened.And now ,I'm to blame. I lost you as a friend.I made a mistake.I can't take it back.What's done is done.It can't be changed.I wish i was wiser back then.But i would like to think that I've learned from the experience.Am a better man from it.Life goes on.But I will always think of you as a mistake...my mistake.

Lost Cause

A burning passion, a will to do good
He set out one day ,knowing he should
His cause was just,
But he wouldn't be the first


For many other passionate youth like him
Had had this thought of fighting for the same cause
A just and right cause -
But had failed to win.


He was too young ...
Too young to comprehend
But armed with valor and his noble wish,
Furious anger and a cold steely rage -
he thought he would win.


He kept working day and night
For His cause was right
He promised himself he wouldn't rest
Until he'd accomplished His quest.


The cause drained Him of life
It took away all his time
He kept working harder and harder
And prayed to God for a sign


After all..His cause was noble ..
'Twas just and right
He was up for the fight..
And needed no one by his side


Then suddenly it dawned on Him
What a fool he'd been !
The cause would be lost ..
His passion,though just ..
would all end in dust.



While striving and fighting..
He'd stopped living life.
Stopped all his pleasures..
And let The cause take all his time .


So he decided to start afresh
He'd be working for his quest
But now with friends -
For advise,support and rest.


Let his be a lesson
To all young souls
Fight in numbers...then maybe ...
A cause won't be lost no more.


-----------------------------------
Sometimes in life , no matter how motivated or passionate one is about wanting to achieve something good .. its not possible without other's help .

cheers ! :-)

A Constant Change

The world was made this way...
Every new low is followed by a high
Someone's gain causes another pain
The ever delicate balance of nature must be maintained.


There's a serene joy in silence..
A tranquillity amidst cheers ..
A calmness precedes a storm
A change gives new form to one and all


Behind every great fortune
is a crime
At times for someone to live
Someone else must die.


In this world of upheavals..
You can't help but be strong
Keep your wits about you -
Don't let your thoughts drift too long .


True smiles are mixed with tears
There lies an excitement in fears
For every victory , sacrifices must be made
In every defeat there's something to be gained


For how long can one contemplate on a loss ?
Grieving is but for fools
When success can soon turn to failure
And every failure can serve as a boon


This world was made with power
Power and power alone ... No right.No wrong.
Rid yourself of worries..
For nothing can last too long.

Change is the essence of life
The only constant truth
It's the only thing that's certain
I say ... It's for good.

Cleansing Rust

'twas back in the August of 2001
That i felt one of God's greatest blessings
Which goes untold,is meant for all and one...
It doesn't matter if you're rich,poor or old
It's joy is something to behold !

Before you get all greedy with lust
Let me finish my verse first !
It's nature at it's best
Lest one should get no rest ..

For its after a day of tiring at work
Or because of trouble unknown...
That this blessing is such a great joy,
Such a great joy to behold !

It lifts one's spirits high ,
It relaxes the soul,body and mind ..
I don't know what to tell you my friend
I guess it's just God sent.

It's God way of saying ..
"I'm here ..you are not alone ,
Don't worry , It's not you , just life ..
All 's still fine ! I'll make it go by ! "

So damn soothing ..so refreshing and so dear
Its like psychic therapy ..
Makes all your troubles flee,
Only that it is for free

Sometimes it comes so sudden ..
Sometimes it's just there ..
The world around you feels so quietened..
There's nothing else that can quite compare..

With every drop pouring down on your head
It's like a word of wisdom, that goes unsaid
It drenches ..cleanses all stress and rust
And leaves you fresh ,happy and just ...


It takes away all sorrow and pain
God's tear drops never go in vain
The blessing i'm talking about is but only a walk
A simple walk .Alone in the rain.


----------------------------------------
In memory of a walk down park street....a long time back...

Self Doubt and U

There are three kinds of people in this world .Firstly ,are the one's you know instantly to avoid .Secondly,are the ones you talk to ....want to know more about ...be friends with .And then finally there's U.
U are the people that put up a false show ..a pretence of friendship and trust,only to break it all in time and leave one reeling in self-pity,doubt,hate anger,sorrow,pain and mistrust.U are the worst kind of people in the world.A disease..plague of society.The worst part is people like U never change.Everyday you live,i know U make someone else feel the same way I do about U....U take everything that's sacred ,good ... pure about a person...and use it to Ur own advantage....and when Ur through U leave 'em to rot...questioning oneself ........asking W-H-Y .
I know people like U have their talents.Others get attracted by it and mistake U as a 'friend'.They open themselves up to U .They 'trust' U...and U make full use of that 'trust'.Ur talents are nothing to admire.Cause what shit like U don't understand
is that with every betrayed soul U screw over....U make new enemies everyday...Friends turned Foes and it's all because of U.
People like U think they are popular.U take pleasure,even pride in the fact that U are popular.But U fool,U know what everyone says about the likes of U when Ur done playing Ur games with 'em? U think the ones U screw over don't warn their 'friends' about U ? Providence will catch up with shit like U .
Yet,I may be wrong........God above is a forgiving One. U may still be successful in life......and go about playing Ur games throughout Ur time.I may not be as successful as U.But at least i know I'll never be U .

It makes the world go round ...

Money Money Money
thats all there is to it honey
You know the thing that's damn funny ?
no one can do without it sunny ...

They all want a brand new car
To go with their new guitar
It's always one after one
It never stops until your dead
But HEY ... don't stop just because I said !!!


People tell me "Hey kid...
Where will you go now ?
What will you do ?
How much moolah will you earn when you turn 52 ?! "


It's sad really ..
The way we think ....
If you think about it
It's not the money we make
But the WAYS we make it in !


We strive ..we fight
we got this one shot ..
one shot..to make it right
To end up out of sight !!


So for more and more money ...
people let their animal instincts free ..
And oh no ...they all end up in misery !
But HEY ....... is that such a mystery ?


Come now ..don't be sad ...
I too ... shall soon go mad !
And be what others want me to be ..
For this love of money and money only !


I'll lie , I'll die...
Work myself so high ....
And get others down ..
Come now , don't frown !


Not for love ...
And neither for hate...
Just for that lovely paper note
They call money mate !



Now someone will tell me...
"Money's .... It's a shame !"
Come now.....
"Don't give me that
Too good bull-shit ! "


Money Money Money
thats all there is to it honey
You know the thing that's damn funny ?
no one can do without it sunny ...

Innocence Lost

This one speaks of a different strata of society ...a victim of circumstances.. an innocent soul dirtied by society ....Fate '.......

---------------------------------------------



On a cold foggy December night
Was born another child of India
He lay by his mother's bed
The room was dirty
The bed-sheet soiled ....
But little John didn't care
He was by his mother's side.



The days turned to night
And the weeks and months passed by,
He could walk and talk now...
the little One ....
The innocent child of India.



As He grew He soon found out
He wasn't the same as others around..
He wondered why .... He wondered how...
His father was never around.
He asked His mom , He asked her again
Where His father was ...
She couldn't reply..
She couldn't tell her dearest Son
That she was all He ever Had
That she didn't know who
His father was .



Little John's mother dreamt...
Not for herself... But for her Son
She saved all she earned,
Worked day and night for her only Son
She sent the Innocent One to primary school
She dreamt and dreamt that He would one day ..
Relieve her of all her pain,sorrow and wound
Hold a dignified corporate job ........
And all their troubles would be gone .


But Fate had other things planned .....
For mother and her begotten Son
The mother fell ill one day
And she wasn't to recover
Left the child ..Without support
To stand alone .


Little John's world came crashing down.....
Where was he to go now ?
What was he to do ..
When he'd lost the only person He ever knew .
Those days were tough..
After Independence ..
And little Indian town's like John's
Didn't have place for orphaned ones.



The still innocent child,
Roamed the streets.. in wide eyed wonder
And the only thing he still had ,
Was what was within Him .......
His heart ,His soul,His innocence ..
Which was soon to be no more !



One day the boy found a man,
That went by the name of Uncle Sam,
Who gave homeless kids like Him
jobs to do ... and a place to live.
He was wealthy .. He took Him in .
And made Him realise the jobs to do ..
And ways to do it in !



Soon the boy ,like others of Sam's clan...
Went about stealing ,robbing ....
And breaking bones .. with sticks and stones.
It wasn't little John's fault .....
What was he to do ?
After-all it was cruel Fate
That had made him a tool.



The years flew by and..
Little John was little no more.
Over the years.. He had climbed the ladder
In uncle Sam's clan .....
And had eventually become.. his right hand man .



But still John thought... of His childhood days
And the time He spent under His mother's loving care
And what He was now ..A shadow of what was to be...
Of Hope turned Despair .... A self betrayed ..
And wanted to change ... And regain ..
His lost innocence.



He wanted to leave ,He thought he still had time ...
To change ..To become the man his departed mother,
Had always wanted Him to be.
"This place is dead for me" - He said .
But alas ,before He knew ,
The law ..caught up with Uncle Sam, his clan ...
And their crimes.....


On the day of the trial ,
before a packed courtroom ....
Sat John, He would be made to answer ..
For His sins pretty soon .


Before the judge read out the sentence
He asked John ,"Do you have anything to say ? "
John just smiled ... and replied ,..
"It wasn't me Sir ...
It was Fate ....
That took my innocence away ! "

Bolshoi Booze

Before you get all excited about the unusual naming of this post let me tell you that this post is precisely about ..............Nothing ! That's right .... i'm writing this just to kill ' precious ' time. Time ... that all important commodity ... that no one seems to have any of .
As much as i hate to admit it .... Yes , i was a science student for my plus 2 , and yes i did spend hours mugging up back then .You know how people say ... Time changes things ... "Give things Time Anindyo ... things will change " . . Time changes nothing . Changing things... doing things changes things...changing your thoughts and actions changes things ....It's pretty simple really .... If you want to achieve something you've never achieved before , you got to do things you've never done before. Its not rocket science !
So ,what should i be doing now so that i spend my time usefully ...so that i don't waste time ? Should i be up and about working.... changing things ... looking at things from a whole new perspective ? Should i make sure i'm not 'wasting' my time ? Now ... What does one mean by Wastage of Time ? I don't know .... can you explain please ????? What does Society ... the System ... expect out of us young minds ... should we work ourselves to the ground? Should we fall in line ? Should we become another brick in the wall ?
I love to think . I completely , totally , absolutely love to Think ! And what i figure is every moment of every day you spend .... adds upto ... culminates into the person you are going to be the very next . So what i really really want to do is just be happy ... to be at peace with myself and then the world will be at peace with me ... Happiness is all that matters , all there is to life , all that is important .... i just want to treasure it .. embrace it ...
John Lennon (i know, i know ... all my idols are either old or dead ) once said , " the hours you spent doing nothing ... maybe weren't wasted at all " . So thats my message from this post .. be happy ... don't worry ! Now i can stop with my rant .

darling pretty ....

It makes you Fly
It takes you High
It makes you Laugh
And makes you cry....

It lasts Long
It takes Time
To forget and accept
All thats gone by ..

As i long to become,
The Man i want to be
Your Memory ..
crashes down on me .

Of the words spoken
The promises made
Of the dreams shattered ...
And the tears shed .

I know i must move on
I know I must be strong
I know you were not the one for me.

But still i wonder...
And still i know .... that someday,
"You'll be a star
In someone else's sky
but why why why ....
why ..... cant it be mine ???? "


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didn't really put much thought into this post ... it was really a very instantaneous ,disorganised thought .... anyways .... last four lines taken from one of my favourite songs .. cheers ! ;-)

smoke makes the man more profound.....

A couple of weeks back, i don't remember exactly where that i had come across this 'amusing' statement .... but it certainly got me thinking .See, i used to be one of those 1st year engineering students who found the smell of fags so offensive , nauseating ......to the point of disgust . But one fine day ,about an year back .... out of i don't know what ....... maybe boredom ,maybe curiosity,frustration or just maybe some similar opinion as the name of this post ..... i figured I'll try one ... just one ... it can't hurt rite ? oh well .... about an year on ... and one wills classic has turned into a packet of Marlboro's . And now i guess , i can go on and become even more PROFOUND . ;-)

blog ?? hmm.......

A certain Mr Aamir khan names his dog after a certain someone else... a certain Big B ... calls someone something else on his blog as well...Actually, the first time i heard the word 'blog' was from a certain female friend ... "hey .. check out my blog ! "....... now being the lazy,uninformed guy i am ... i admitted i had never heard of the word ... she explained how it was sort of an online diary ....
"hmm...... i thot " ..... now , this act of blogging ... sharing one's daily random inconsequential thoughts with other equally bored, confused minds didn't seem too exciting to me .... but hey ... after the disillusioning experience of two years in an engineering college..... and two more years left to go ........ and having spend loads of time thinking about thinking ... here i am ! oh ... and i hear many make a decent amount just by blogging ..... depending the number of ' hits' one gets ...ahem... rather , one's BLOG gets .... well ... i'm not here to make money .. just to share my ramblings ...
cheers ! ........ ;-)