I have meaning to fill this place with some more of my pseudo intellectual inconsequential ramblings for a while now ... but as with any that's well written ......... it has to come as a spurt and without cause... a moment of inexplicable propulsion into the stratosphere of meaning..... i wait for that moment.
I am being compelled to accept the conclusion that luck plays a major part in life. If something good and worthwhile has to happen it'll just happen ....something that would bring one unprecedented amounts of joy and happiness ....... then it would just happen !! As dumb as that may sound ... this in fact is the truth . Goodness happens out of the blue . (Yes, right , this is dumb ..... but the truth ).

WE(and by we ,I mean I ) tend to over-think things ..over complicate simple matters ..... which need not be treated and thought about more than their face value deserves... Most times ..things are indeed .... what they look like ... Think in real terms more .... keep things simple.

Traveling has an important role to play in our lives . The more we travel and get acquainted with different cultures ... the more we enrich our own characters. The changing landscapes ... and the expanding social boundaries impart a lot of strength to anyone's character ... hmm.... i wait. signing off. :-)

Clueless

These vague strings are pulling me ...
The sound of silence is magnified ...
Negativity is being amplified...
The dearth of common sense is astounding
Silence is resounding ...
The pleasure in the pain is compounding ..
The hollowness and emptiness is confounding

The proximity to reality is blaring
The headlights of the past are glaring
I try to pull myself free... of responsibilities and history
They have a hold over me...
They won't let me be ..
Its a sad sight indeed... Where will this lead ?

The questions are many .. The answers too few ...
What will I form ... Which color ..what shape and hue ?
I don't have a clue ...
I need a little spark ... But it's raining too hard ...
The fire wont start ...

Soaking wet ... In reality ...
Clueless Indeed.

Troubled

Stop talking. Hypocrite .Stop wasting my time. Stop babbling. I wish I could blurt out an insult... Maybe that would make you stop. But then i'd feel bad.Stop talking.

Have you taken a look in the mirror ? I cant stand your sight.Look at you . Why did I get into this ? Why am I wasting my time with you ? Why am I here ?I am much rather better off ... with my thoughts ... Me alone.

Thoughts - weird,dangerous,disturbing,fantasizing - the likes...flowing through my head ..every moment of every day. I don't even think I'm sleeping when I'm asleep....I'm talkin to myself. That's psychotic .. Is it ?

Why do I like you people..one moment ...and then abhor you the next ?? Every action of mine is a self contradiction. Troubled.

Grandeur and the Grunge

Go back to where you belong
To days long gone
Simple times ... Simpler rhymes
Days when all would fall in line .
And there weren't any need to retrospect or
read any signs ..

The world ..it seems ... has turned to technology ,
I don't get this Ideology
Why would one want to get work done faster and fill the void ...
With more ... work ?? Where's the logic in this ?
Why cant we just kill time?

Don't you think that family values have taken a back seat ?
In an age when politics and religion are intertwined .
Sanity ...... has become a crime.
That's the grandeur and the grunge of modern times.

Better Late......

Don't let your circumstances get you down ..
Don't get affected by other people's mentality ... cause you can't change 'em
.........
Things take their time ....hold on
You can't change your destiny.... neither .....
shirk your responsibilities.
what's meant to happen........ will happen .
Don't think too much .... you can't change anything by thinking ...so stop.



Above are glimpses of conversations.... innuendoes ...... i've been fed over the past couple of days........
Whats new ? Nothing.
Actually worse than nothing.
People around me keep moving on.
Everyone... i seem to be talking with seems to be doing something ...
Something....
Changing.... Evolving ....
Nurturing .... dreams, hopes and aspirations and taking positive strides towards their fulfillment.

Yes,another semester has started in bong land .
Surrounded by an all too well known nepotistic bengali mentality .....accompanied with the rather new ... the rather dull... the rather unrealistic.... the rather vague......the rather unclear views of a so-called changing city ..and its political landscape.

The overawing feeling i get is that i am late ....I have missed the bus .
I did not do enough.Did not be true to my feelings and stand up for them enough when it was needed.I did not work hard enough . Think seriously enough ... Supported myself enough ...the list is endless.

I take longer to realise some things than others would.
My good friends will tell you i am an astoundingly horrible judge of people.
I am delusional...I am childish in many ways.... Too straight and emotional ...to be the one i aspire .... Mostly ..Above all.... I am always late....

Those voices again keep telling me ....

It's better late than never............

at this moment ... I feel ... I would better be dead than late...

Signing off...

Mutual Understanding ...

"You had to screw it up dint you ?? "

" Like hell i did !... I wanted to be in power ... I fed the beast .. made it grow "

" See what you have done now ? The frankenstein you created is destroying this place "

" So what ?? I did what I had to... "

" But what of the People ... ? The ones to were supposedly charged with looking after ,ruling over ... what of them ? Who'll help them ? You created the monster !!... Kill it now !! "

" But you see ... I can't ... Killing it will destroy all Hope i have of recapturing my throne ...Don't you see ? "

" Well If you can't neither can I ... If I raise a voice I'll lose out and make you the beneficiary ... I can't dare upset the beast .... But what of the people ?? "

"Guess ... The people ... just have to suffer ."

" Guess so ....." .

Reality

CAse 1 ........ Park street - Walking by the park at 8 pm on an saturday evening and a non-bengali teenager lurches out of the darkness .... and asks " college girls ?? college girls ?? " .................. ????????? what the fuck........

CAse 2...... - Smoking a fag with a friend on the street side .... a Bihari dude... riding a fast bike from the wrong side ... loses control , slips , skids to a stop in front of us .... friend has the stupidity /audacity to say " excuse me ...aapka galti hai ... .wrong side se aa rahe the ... " ....... all hell breaks lose ........ DUDE retaliates with a barrage of threats and gestures....... and i find myself surrounded by hostile faces...... older saner Bihari comes and defuses the situation ..........


Case 3 ..... - Children about 4/5 yrs old playing on the streets all day ... using the most sexually explicit language imaginable ........... accompanied with hand gestures.... OFCOURSE !!


CAl has lost its voice. It's people .

YEs........ this is the CAl that we once knew .............. A deranged society filled with anti-social elements ruling the roost .... No morality . No culture . No Hope .
An no one dare raise a voice ... you shall get branded anti-secular / political ... etc etc etc .... CAl has lost the tag of being one of the favoured places to live in . It can no longer give you a piece of mind,security, sense of compassion and hope for the future... with the current political scenario future looks bleak . CAl has changed ... The only reason this city hasn't fallen totally to the gutters is because it is the eastern command of the army . When the rest of India has taken strides forward .... CAl has fallen into darkness.... And no -one dare raise a voice. Please ... carry one..... spoil our city even more.... we don't care...really ... what can we do ? After all we were just born here .... You guys have come from all - over .... you guys are Indians and hence have equal right to defame the culture of this place ... Please Go on ..... we can't dare raise a voice... You guys are the vote bank ... No one will hear us .. Please Go on.

Security lost ... Deserted and Left

The peace has Left this place ... Peace has Left without a trace .
Yet Innocence searches for a quantum of grace and solace .
This land ,My land has been swept away by the Tide Of Times
...As I keep searching for a line that rhymes ..
To Express to you... The Hatred of losing my lovely Land


Who robbed this land of it's character ?
Why do people around me keep leaving this place .. ?
Friends ,relatives and neighbours ... some i've known for years ...
Some more recent... Yet they are leaving just the same !!


Who has failed to keep up the promise that this land once held ?
Is it the people ? The Government ?
Who has made this state Just another dying race ?


I look around me ..In search of Hope ... But there's none to find. ..
When my friend's keep leaving ... why should I be Left behind ?
In this life ... sentiments have no place ...
Reasonableness is the call of the hour ..the Day !


This land is lost ... Too much is wrong .
An irreversible cycle has been surreptitiously put into place ..
Secretively a new order has emerged...
One that wields it's ugly head time and again .
This land is lost ... It can't be reclaimed ...
My friends..


I can see Doomsday looming large.
But I can't warn you ...
I can only silently watch ..
As this Plague destroys my land till nothing is Left .
Oh ! But there's nothing Left in this place .


Hope the powers that be .
Realize their mistakes...
Hope they reverse this the cycle of Hate ..
But its only a foolish dream
Words i say out of sentiment ..
And sentiments have no place ...


I long to be at peace ...
One day ..I shall have my peace......
But .. Not Yet ..
Not yet ...

COnfused

Who am I ? The most difficult question that I shall ever have to answer . I am a sum of parts ....rather than a whole .... a cluster of incongruent parts constantly striving against each other to become the 'me' of that moment ...for that day .

I do not know me . How can i be so diverse and complex when i profess simplicity on the outward face ... ? How can i be equally attracted to polar opposites of entities ... I am an amalgamation of contradictions ..... What surprises and worries me ... Is the fact that ... none of these different me's is the dominant 'me' .

One part of me says I am a burden to my friends .... that i should really care for people more... the other part says i already care too much .......... One part of me is able ,upfront and confident ......... the other ..... a confused entity sulking all day long . One part of me says I have a good life .... the other want's to run away and be 'independent' .


Many things influence ,inspire and leave indelible impressions on our lives .... every day .... something is added to our self . We may not notice it... But every day we take a new form ... one that is unique ... one that we have never been before.

Who shall i be when i wake up tomorrow ... ?? I do not know my friend . :-)

Never judge a book............

I don't know the reason for my self imposed exile from writing ...The lack of new ideas ,the absence of anything 'eventful' in my rather dull ....ordinary.. social life,and the never ending fiasco i call my college has added to the monotony.Just sick and tired of college and way things are run there . But am not writing this to whine about anything .The inspiration behind this post is the rather extraordinary life changing performance on a reality TV show called "Britain's got Talent" by a 47 yr old unemployed single lady ,with shabby clothes and grizzled hair going by the name of Susan Boyle .
She comes on stage. The expressions of the judges and audience leaves nothing to the imagination what they think of her ....when she declares she always dreamt of being a pop star....... She isn't blessed with good looks...... She has never even been kissed... When asked what age she was.... she says 47 ..and with a gyrating movement of her hips (!!!) cheekily declares "But thats only one side of it " .
The judges give her a sarcastic go ahead when she says she wants to sing "I DREAMED A DREAM " ..the les miserables classic..........Now ,to be fair to them up until this point i myself was one of them ..... thinking this woman to be another joke. I mean .......like....... Come on dude !! ....... How can a 47 year old nobody ...who looks like THAT ever deliver a good show . This was to provide a good comic relief i figured .
Then she signals for the music to start and from then onwards what followed was a masterclass in the most refined,impassioned singing one shall ever see . A sobering experience for the viewers . A lesson for our cynical minds . A reinforcement of the age old adage of never to judge a book by its cover . It was the "ROCKY " moment ........The "ISTANBUL" (football lovers will know) moment of reality Tv. Even if this lady never sings another tune in her entire life she has achieved greatness .
This extraordinary show by a previously 47 yr old nobody epitomises what's important in life . Her genuine nature has won over the world in those 4 minutes of fame. She had the the cynical crowd and the judges purring with delight at the end of her song... a standing ovation from the once cynical audience and 20 million views in 6 days and counting .... the angelic voice ... the honesty ..... and a message to the world......
" never judge a book by it's cover " ! :-)

The link to video is given below ...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4&feature=related