I am Sorry for yelling out at you at times ...for venting my frustrations and my shortcomings on you . For being an irresponsible , ungrateful son . For not acknowledging how hard you have worked for me ...for spending the best part of the past decade leaving home at 7.30 in the morning and returning at 9 at night only to repeat the same ordeal the next day .
I am Sorry for complaining to people at times that i feel pressurized at home and comparing myself to people my age who lead more carefree lives and comparing the responsibility they have to take with whatever seemingly big worries my little head thinks at times.
You could have quit . You could have laid back and not striven for a better future for your family but you didn't. I have at times failed to recognize this . I feel ashamed of my thoughts . So ungrateful and undeserving of the life that you have built for me ...for us all. The hours,and days and years that you have striven and continue to strive for making our lives better ...for making us better.
I am sorry that many a times I fail to recognize this ..
Thanks for putting up with all the hard times... the crap people from work ... the intolerant rascals around ... in order to make my life livable.
I cannot even comprehend how hard it must be for you .... how someone can work for 14 hours a day and still keep going. I am in awe of you. If God grants me half the will power of you .... i will be grateful.
I know i can never tell you this in person ... but ....
Thank you...Thank you......
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
DONE AND DUSTED
For the very few friends i have made and met here ....i will just like to say a BIG THANK YOU for sticking by me and standing up for me when i needed it. If i am happy and successful at any point of my life it will be for people like you .........and i will remember your words and memories .
Finally , it has ended . The time i referred to as college 'life' ... if there was indeed any 'life' in it has ended and strangely enough i am not nostalgic .... no not one bit .
Reactions of people i have spent the last four long years of life with ,have been indeed a steep learning curve for me and they still manage to shock me even on this last day of college..... It does not indeed feel great when people you consider your "friends" ( i hate how loosely i have used that word cheapening its value ) , remark that either you'll be fired from the company you got into or the company will go bankrupt because they hired people like you !! Indeed , its not becoming of a "friend" to laugh and ridicule you for getting a job and mock you for it .. Indeed , it doesn't help to try and have fond memories of college life when people you have spent the last 4 years of your life with on civil and "friendly" terms ....... tell you , when you share your dreams of getting higher education from a reputed place....... ----- " first go and learn how to manage yourself before trying to learn man-management " ..... Yes , even on this last day they must prove that college life indeed was a bitch !
Indeed, it has not been a total waste as without teaching me what to do ... my time in this college, has taught me the what not to do , the type of people to avoid and how to react when people say stupid things ... Indeed , i have become more matured .
Indeed , these are memories that will make me forever curse myself for joining this college and the people like the above mentioned ones . Indeed , such was most of my college life ....Indeed ... I am not nostalgic ...
Finally , it has ended . The time i referred to as college 'life' ... if there was indeed any 'life' in it has ended and strangely enough i am not nostalgic .... no not one bit .
Reactions of people i have spent the last four long years of life with ,have been indeed a steep learning curve for me and they still manage to shock me even on this last day of college..... It does not indeed feel great when people you consider your "friends" ( i hate how loosely i have used that word cheapening its value ) , remark that either you'll be fired from the company you got into or the company will go bankrupt because they hired people like you !! Indeed , its not becoming of a "friend" to laugh and ridicule you for getting a job and mock you for it .. Indeed , it doesn't help to try and have fond memories of college life when people you have spent the last 4 years of your life with on civil and "friendly" terms ....... tell you , when you share your dreams of getting higher education from a reputed place....... ----- " first go and learn how to manage yourself before trying to learn man-management " ..... Yes , even on this last day they must prove that college life indeed was a bitch !
Indeed, it has not been a total waste as without teaching me what to do ... my time in this college, has taught me the what not to do , the type of people to avoid and how to react when people say stupid things ... Indeed , i have become more matured .
Indeed , these are memories that will make me forever curse myself for joining this college and the people like the above mentioned ones . Indeed , such was most of my college life ....Indeed ... I am not nostalgic ...
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Big brother is watching you
They made us confess . We were bound to confess .Sometimes they threaten you with things so horrible that you want it to happen to anyone but you... even if that anyone is .......
In the end we only care about ourselves. Nothing else matters . No love and no loyalty can survive in the face of relentless torture. It breaks and beats you into shape..
To Julia and Smith ... the thought police ... thought crime ...
newspeak ..the ministry of love ...the ministry of peace ..... To Big brother...
To O' Brien ... The revolution ... To power ... To the party .
Ignorance is strength. War is peace . Slavery is freedom and freedom is slavery .
To love . To doublethink . To the High , The Middle and The Low...
To the foolhardy ....
"And under the spreading chestnut tree ....
I sold you and you sold me......... "
In the end we only care about ourselves. Nothing else matters . No love and no loyalty can survive in the face of relentless torture. It breaks and beats you into shape..
To Julia and Smith ... the thought police ... thought crime ...
newspeak ..the ministry of love ...the ministry of peace ..... To Big brother...
To O' Brien ... The revolution ... To power ... To the party .
Ignorance is strength. War is peace . Slavery is freedom and freedom is slavery .
To love . To doublethink . To the High , The Middle and The Low...
To the foolhardy ....
"And under the spreading chestnut tree ....
I sold you and you sold me......... "
Sunday, February 28, 2010
searching...
The reality is sinking in ... man its scary ! Don't know if i'm good enough to be a good enough anything ..... Too many fears taking human form and crying out from the shadows ...Too many challenges ...too many pressures and responsibilities...are we really sent here to suffer ? Only one solution to distract my mind from my problems ...work ..work ...work ... am i searching for an alternative to stem the onslaught of endless terrors ???.... which is the better option... an escape route or a stigma to stand and fight .??...expect that i can't stand.... the ground beneath my feet is shifting ...am always on the move ... emotionally and spiritually.... and don't know the right path or whether there is one...or whether its true what they say ... that there's power and power alone... no right and no wrong ! ...if that be the case and most probable it is ..as all logic points to it...then ethics and values go for a toss and all i've learnt in my life is worthless....assuming power is all that matters ... how do i get that power....don't know where i am going...don't know where am from... am moving ... trying to navigate my way through those endless shadows.... expect though i know those future demons ...and they know me ...they are my present ... they are in my thoughts already ...its only a matter of time before they embody themselves... let me live... I am ... I can do this .. I have to ..... I have to find that spot.......... "where the mind is free and the head is held high ". searching ...............
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Rocket Singh,Corporate governance and Ethics
I have been bored and aimless for the past 3 weeks. The kind of aimlessness which is bound to set in after the trauma of an horrendous xat result and 2 months of preparations from Cat in last week of November ,then university semester exams in December and then a campus recruitment drive in the start of the new year.After having somehow screwed myself out of the above trials and tribulations, finally, there was nothing more to strive for, no next exam looming over my head and hence no pre-exam night deliberations with my conscience ....to keep me awake in bed till 4 in morning.
One of the things which i have been unable to find a solution to and whose solution i knew - only i would have to find ... was that the mask the future me would have to wear in the workplace and how my little conscience can never come to terms with that as this mask often becomes us .... Something that scares the shit out of me.
Secondly , the corporate atmosphere is by most accounts a dirty , wretched place where one has to adopt unethical means to climb up the ladder and where most often honesty and hard work are overlooked for people who are good at doing the boss "favours". Where you have to kiss up to the son of a bitch/ bitch who is your boss and adopt unethical means to survive ...let alone get a promotion .... where you always have to wear this kissing-up mask ( unless you are an asshole by nature in which case the point of this post will be completely lost on you ). This mask ... is in essence a form of you which would best equip you to deal with your work surroundings ,ensuring your financial security by donning a mantle ...at the same time belittling the self that was you. I do not want to wear that mask .
IT was with the above problems still unsolved by my measly little mind that i started the watch the latest Ranbir kapoor starrer Rocket Singh - salesman of the year . As dubious as the name may sound... it was actually a very fascinating and inspirational movie ...one that answered my above problems.
Hardeep Singh is a straight old fashioned guy ...who still believes that business should be without corruption and bribes ...and is also bit slow to catch up with the conniving ways of the his sales world . Hardeep is recruited as a sales trainee in a big computer selling firm and is shocked when his boss berates him for not obliging an important client who asked for a bribe.
Hardeep's conscience wont allow him to cheat his customers ,make huge profits on sales from small customers and give that profit as bribes to the big corporate honchos. At office he has become the joker in the pack , the dumb trainee who has ruined his career , the straight honest guy, whom the ruthless corporate world wont allow to succeed.
Hardeep has become and is feeling like an ignominious employee and is faced with a choice.Whether to adopt the ways of the business world... to put up that mask and contrive people of their hard earned money and lose his character in the process .............or to leave the job . Hardeep decides on a third option . He is going to stick with the company and change the way it does business from within.
Soon Hardeep starts a small parallel company with the aide of other disgruntled colleagues and calls this company rocket singh sales.Rocket Singh sales has ethical business practices and provides computers to its customers keeping profits low..and concentrating on the human aspect of business more than the profit involved. Soon, Hardeep's parallel company eats into the profit of the mother company . Hardeep's boss finally realises that it was his own employees running this rival company,criminal proceedings follow...and soon Hardeep has to lose his company and his accomplices fired from their jobs .
Hardeep's company is merged with the mother company. But , the brand of Rocket Singh sales had become so reputable and its customer relations were so unique that its customers refuse to do business with the mother company once Hardeep and his pack leaves.Finally , Hardeep's erstwhile boss...the corrupted manager of the company begs Hardeep to return .. Hardeep refuses. The manager is forced to give back Rocket Sales to Hardeep .
Out of the above drawn out discussion ..what i am trying to say is .. one need not change just because the world needs him to ... follow your heart ...ye job chala gaya ... to koi aur dhund lenge yaar ... but i will always stick to my beliefs. The mask need not become me...will never become me.
As a parting note - the genres and storylines in hindi movies are fast improving... which is a great sign and bears testimony to an educating audience and nation. It is not often that i find answers from hindi flicks . :-)
One of the things which i have been unable to find a solution to and whose solution i knew - only i would have to find ... was that the mask the future me would have to wear in the workplace and how my little conscience can never come to terms with that as this mask often becomes us .... Something that scares the shit out of me.
Secondly , the corporate atmosphere is by most accounts a dirty , wretched place where one has to adopt unethical means to climb up the ladder and where most often honesty and hard work are overlooked for people who are good at doing the boss "favours". Where you have to kiss up to the son of a bitch/ bitch who is your boss and adopt unethical means to survive ...let alone get a promotion .... where you always have to wear this kissing-up mask ( unless you are an asshole by nature in which case the point of this post will be completely lost on you ). This mask ... is in essence a form of you which would best equip you to deal with your work surroundings ,ensuring your financial security by donning a mantle ...at the same time belittling the self that was you. I do not want to wear that mask .
IT was with the above problems still unsolved by my measly little mind that i started the watch the latest Ranbir kapoor starrer Rocket Singh - salesman of the year . As dubious as the name may sound... it was actually a very fascinating and inspirational movie ...one that answered my above problems.
Hardeep Singh is a straight old fashioned guy ...who still believes that business should be without corruption and bribes ...and is also bit slow to catch up with the conniving ways of the his sales world . Hardeep is recruited as a sales trainee in a big computer selling firm and is shocked when his boss berates him for not obliging an important client who asked for a bribe.
Hardeep's conscience wont allow him to cheat his customers ,make huge profits on sales from small customers and give that profit as bribes to the big corporate honchos. At office he has become the joker in the pack , the dumb trainee who has ruined his career , the straight honest guy, whom the ruthless corporate world wont allow to succeed.
Hardeep has become and is feeling like an ignominious employee and is faced with a choice.Whether to adopt the ways of the business world... to put up that mask and contrive people of their hard earned money and lose his character in the process .............or to leave the job . Hardeep decides on a third option . He is going to stick with the company and change the way it does business from within.
Soon Hardeep starts a small parallel company with the aide of other disgruntled colleagues and calls this company rocket singh sales.Rocket Singh sales has ethical business practices and provides computers to its customers keeping profits low..and concentrating on the human aspect of business more than the profit involved. Soon, Hardeep's parallel company eats into the profit of the mother company . Hardeep's boss finally realises that it was his own employees running this rival company,criminal proceedings follow...and soon Hardeep has to lose his company and his accomplices fired from their jobs .
Hardeep's company is merged with the mother company. But , the brand of Rocket Singh sales had become so reputable and its customer relations were so unique that its customers refuse to do business with the mother company once Hardeep and his pack leaves.Finally , Hardeep's erstwhile boss...the corrupted manager of the company begs Hardeep to return .. Hardeep refuses. The manager is forced to give back Rocket Sales to Hardeep .
Out of the above drawn out discussion ..what i am trying to say is .. one need not change just because the world needs him to ... follow your heart ...ye job chala gaya ... to koi aur dhund lenge yaar ... but i will always stick to my beliefs. The mask need not become me...will never become me.
As a parting note - the genres and storylines in hindi movies are fast improving... which is a great sign and bears testimony to an educating audience and nation. It is not often that i find answers from hindi flicks . :-)
Monday, February 1, 2010
To my dearest Erin
I owe this to you . How strangely we met , how strange our first conversation was and how often have we come to talk ! I remember almost every one of those weird conversations ... some bordering on the insane ,some more practical , some comforting and some even inspirational ... but above all ...all of them fun filled. Let me state it outright , that even though we have hardly seen each other a couple of times , i consider you to be one of my closest and dearest friends ... whose advice i have come to depend upon and whose smile has made me smile ... and given me a reason to smile when i had none ...you have been the one who has taught me to be happy ... appreciate life ... and take all challenges which life can possibly throw my way in my stride.
Your childish craziness has been infectious ,your words ,smile and charm have uplifted me through the darkest of emotions ...and your unbridled enthusiasm has given my soul wings to fly ....and my heart a bond to cherish. Your advice and practicality have tempered my emotions when i have felt disgruntled with society and life in general.You have made me feel wanted.U have made me into a better person and for that am i forever indebted. You saw me when i was invisible... and for that am i forever indebted.
The ways of the world are strange and we have proved that we can be stranger still.We may never meet ...and I may not never be there by your side ..to hold your hand when you cry , and I may not be there to laugh with you in your moments of joy ..which i am certain life will shower upon you and God bless you with blessings manifold, but i will always be there with you in spirit ......with all my heart and with all my soul .
I do not know the destination of this friendship.... bonds are brittle and that makes me skeptical and insecure.... but what i do know...what i am in no doubt with whatsoever ...is that i am a better person ... a stronger entity ...a more wholesome individual ...a more dignified man ... a more loving,caring and gentler angry young man ... than i was before i met you ... and its all because of you ...every fiber of my being screams out its allegiance to you for making me a better man . For you , your wisdom , friendship and the hours that you have dedicated to me.... i can this day stand up and say ...truly ... Life is beautiful.
Maybe its the strangeness and randomness of this friendship that makes write this in honour of you....It takes years to know a person .... As time goes by... i may know more of you .... but i am in awe of the idea of you....of your personality.....your strength ,wisdom and beauty which is there for all to behold ...and the lucky ones like me to appreciate... and this idea of you is everlasting.One that the tides of time can never wash away.
Mere words are insufficient to repay the debt i owe you...and to quantify my feelings for you ...Maybe if one day i can do justice to the trust that you have shown in me ... i would do justice to myself and you ... And all i can say for now .... is thanks for being my inspiration , for putting a smile on my face and renewing the hope in my heart ... the hope i had when i was a child ... thinking that the world was an exciting place and Life a beautiful gift ...You have rekindled that hope Erin...and i will never let my heart lose that again. You and your idea will inspire me...will protect me .. Erin with this i depart.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Destiny's child
I don't know what to say really . It has been one of the most eventful weeks of my life ..... The gut wrenching feeling ,the agony, the pain ,waking up with a heavy head and not being to get out of bed till late afternoon ... followed by another daylong ordeal but the ending was sweet. It has been a steep learning curve , one i will treasure for the rest of my life . They say all's well that ends well.. but life does not seem a fair game to play at the moment . The insanity and harshness of it crying out ... the anguish of that unfairness burning the cloak enswathing that initial euphoria of success.
Every man has but one destiny. One of the more famous quotes from Mario Puzo's classic The Godfather. Never has this statement seemed so true ...never have i felt its true power until the events of this past week. We live a life we do not choose , life never works out the way we want it too.... pessimistic statements they may sound ... but such,in effect, is the harshness of that dreaded word ... Destiny.
More than the day of triumph(if i may call it so ) . The penultimate day will hold greater value to me. I learnt hope is a wonderful thing , i saw and felt how a ten minute chat from a friend can inspire and take your load away .... i learnt how happiness really is a state of mind...an art ...so simple... that its simplicity is hard to find ...and hence tragically lost amongst the complexity of our mundane or elaborate thoughts .
I do not know what to say. I do not have to say anything. You and I both now know that life is a game of chance ...we are all but Destiny's children ...be not worried .... for one day lady luck will smile upon us all...Keep the faith.If my friend , you may read this now , and judge me wrong ... forgive me ... for i have erred. Take care and may God Bless.
Every man has but one destiny. One of the more famous quotes from Mario Puzo's classic The Godfather. Never has this statement seemed so true ...never have i felt its true power until the events of this past week. We live a life we do not choose , life never works out the way we want it too.... pessimistic statements they may sound ... but such,in effect, is the harshness of that dreaded word ... Destiny.
More than the day of triumph(if i may call it so ) . The penultimate day will hold greater value to me. I learnt hope is a wonderful thing , i saw and felt how a ten minute chat from a friend can inspire and take your load away .... i learnt how happiness really is a state of mind...an art ...so simple... that its simplicity is hard to find ...and hence tragically lost amongst the complexity of our mundane or elaborate thoughts .
I do not know what to say. I do not have to say anything. You and I both now know that life is a game of chance ...we are all but Destiny's children ...be not worried .... for one day lady luck will smile upon us all...Keep the faith.If my friend , you may read this now , and judge me wrong ... forgive me ... for i have erred. Take care and may God Bless.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
simple is divine
simple is divine -So it goes
Not all questions have answers they say
Have only one teacher in my soul
Look and you shall see - the truth
Don't distract the mind from its goal
Don't complicate me , simple is divine
I am an empty cup , that'll be filled in time
Guided by only passion and truth -
is what i want to be
At night, I hear the whistling winds and you call out to me
Don't get any closer or I shall have to leave
If i choose to stay , I'll die silently
Caged by agony and conditional lies
I don't want to be that guy
An open prayer and not a silent song am I
Broken and plundered by the promises of time
Don't get any closer or I shall have to leave
In search of truth and truth only am I
You truly love only once in life
Everything hence ...a compromise.
simple is divine
Not all questions have answers they say
Have only one teacher in my soul
Look and you shall see - the truth
Don't distract the mind from its goal
Don't complicate me , simple is divine
I am an empty cup , that'll be filled in time
Guided by only passion and truth -
is what i want to be
At night, I hear the whistling winds and you call out to me
Don't get any closer or I shall have to leave
If i choose to stay , I'll die silently
Caged by agony and conditional lies
I don't want to be that guy
An open prayer and not a silent song am I
Broken and plundered by the promises of time
Don't get any closer or I shall have to leave
In search of truth and truth only am I
You truly love only once in life
Everything hence ...a compromise.
simple is divine
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
It's Complicated
The world says ..it cannot be ....
but i do believe in fantasy
For what is a man without hope ?
She's the sacred spirit that guides my soul.
The world may laugh ...
call me an idealistic fool ..
"she's not for real " they say ..
"it'll never be" .....
She's an answer to my prayers
but an idealistic notion to naysayers
whatever the feeling i do not know
she makes me grow .. gives me life ...
love and compassion when i have none to find.
The sum total of all i hold dear ..that's her ...
Wherever i may be ..she'll follow me .
Everyday this bond i share ...grows stronger
out of the struggles of day -to-day life
Nothing life can bring can surprise me
As long as she is near... i'll be me.
My heart says ..i do not deserve her
I do not deserve a feeling so pure...
Trapped in the world of insanity
She is all i have ... and that's enough for me.
She makes me grow stronger everyday
i'll say it once?... i'll say it clear ...
I think i love you ..my dear
Wish i never lose this feeling ..
That's all i have to say ...tonight.
----------------------------------------------------------
but i do believe in fantasy
For what is a man without hope ?
She's the sacred spirit that guides my soul.
The world may laugh ...
call me an idealistic fool ..
"she's not for real " they say ..
"it'll never be" .....
She's an answer to my prayers
but an idealistic notion to naysayers
whatever the feeling i do not know
she makes me grow .. gives me life ...
love and compassion when i have none to find.
The sum total of all i hold dear ..that's her ...
Wherever i may be ..she'll follow me .
Everyday this bond i share ...grows stronger
out of the struggles of day -to-day life
Nothing life can bring can surprise me
As long as she is near... i'll be me.
My heart says ..i do not deserve her
I do not deserve a feeling so pure...
Trapped in the world of insanity
She is all i have ... and that's enough for me.
She makes me grow stronger everyday
i'll say it once?... i'll say it clear ...
I think i love you ..my dear
Wish i never lose this feeling ..
That's all i have to say ...tonight.
----------------------------------------------------------
Monday, December 14, 2009
systemised
Running away ..
but you got a debt to pay ...
if not today ..it'll swallow you whole some day ...
Crashed and burned ..
broken down...stop the rewind...
don't let it take your mind.. accept the grind
engulfed by darkness ... desperate search for light
don't rewind ... the alley is blind
where shadows congregate ...
where the mind has ceased ...
rest in peace.
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