theplaceanindyo

Baby steps again ...

2011-07-17T13:21:00.003+05:30

I do not know what to write. It's been ages since the last time i wrote anything in here and it's not that i have anything particular to write about , just that a nagging feeling of needing to know that i can still write anything of some value if i wanted to.Well, i do have things to say.With God's good grace i am indeed doing better than maybe a year ago. The high of mysore followed by the straight-into-war treatment i got here in pune was a steep learning curve . But,having lived through it i now feel maybe I too can.
The Mysore experience was good and pune is a very beautiful place as well.
Just wish i can keep in touch with all my friends who matter to me a lot ...all throughout my life. Thank you all.Take care and God may keep blessing you and I both.

karunya Maane

2010-10-18T13:10:00.004+05:30

In a recent Basic of Business English class i had to attend a couple of days ago , we were asked to write on the topic "Knowledge or Money - which holds more importance in today's world " . I had come up with something like ... Knowledge is a pushing force .... making us strive to better our individual selves while money has a pulling power...constantly attracting us with its universal appeal,charm and unnerving passion.
Obviously, both hold paramount importance in our daily lives.... and with the amount of great looking women around here (mysore Infy ) going around with ugly guys with diamond earrings and guys who are "technically stimulating"...... it would be hard to bet against it.
While,i agree with the above which is a fact of life and i don't hold it against anyone for trying to leverage their assets to the fullest.... I visited a place yesterday which made me realize there is something more important than either.
Karunya Maane ,on Bogado road , a 7 km drive from the campus , is a two storied orphanage. I admit, my intentions for visiting the place was both to have a new learning experience as well as to meet some good looking girls on the trip as well. As i lack on both of the above qualities of knowledge and money to impress the opposite sex.
Once there , i forgot about all the crap which usually goes through my head. As the spirited prayer song of about 50 orphaned kids filled the room i was humbled by their passion for life.I felt like crying for being so weak.... the way i crib and whine and pull/think shit all day long ,when , there are these kids having nothing and yet so brave... so brave.
It was a really wonderful experience to play with these kids ...and even though i couldn't understand a word that they were saying ,sometimes the universal language of fun and love is all one needs to connect with people.
There were these double bunk beds, and the kids wanted us to place them on the top bunkers . Some of them wanted to climb on my shoulders and witness the world from there. Some were just happy reciting poems and getting into a playful fight with this stranger. So there we were ... about 30-40 , 20 somethings having a ball in a small room with 50 kids for a couple of hours.It was beautiful,simple, innocent,fun and wonderful in a way "normal" life can't explain.
When we came out of the room and it was time to leave, the kids kept pulling us to the balcony to point to an open sky. There... across the green expanse of wet,open fields .. was stretched the most complete exotic rainbow i have ever seen.
It was a perfect end to a perfect day. No matter how important money or knowledge will ever be ...it can never replace the primary reason for our existence .... Love makes all the difference.

*****************************
p.s - cynics please excuse.

A momentory glimpse of reason

2010-07-28T00:24:00.003+05:30

Is it important to feel strongly ,even if these feelings keep tearing oneself to pieces ? I feel so . Rather , that's who i am, who i have been and who i always will be. I rather spend a memorable second with someone than have an hour of superficial talk . Rather not talk at all than talk and be misunderstood. Rather avoid than utter pleasing words just for the heck of it...cause the WORLD does it.
It is important in life...not only to be strong .... but probably it is more important to FEEL strong . Feelings and sentiments for others should inspire one rather than demote them to depths of misery and sorrow...when that happens you know the process has begun and its time to move away.
Mid- life crisis hits us when we are young ...these days. We talk too much and feel too little.... maybe in the end what it all comes down to is this ... just this one word which demarcates happiness from misery ... COURAGE ... and bagfuls of it.
It takes courage to be happy....to feel happy and that makes all the difference. signing off my imaginary friends. Goodnight.

Shit happens

2010-06-23T22:07:00.010+05:30

Its been a while since i posted something here ...so i thought i would narrate a normal day in college. Rather what i have become accustomed to perceiving as normal in the 4 years i have spent here . This is for the uninformed , my dear friends who always ...specially the ones from school ,yes, you know who you are :) , who always keep reminding me that i complain too much about college. So here it goes -

By virtue, of finishing my semester exams a week ago ,the daily routine of college has finally come to an end. Only the little details for getting clearances for transfer and character certificate remains.

Today , I was hell bent on twisting myself free of the ignominious grasp which this college had had on my life . After getting the clearances from the teachers the library clearance remained. Alas ! I had committed the heinous crime of ...wait for it .... wait a bit more ... ( with drums rolling in the background ).... Losing a Library Card !! So dastardly an act is this , that the guilty must be punished and harassed no end, made to realize the grave sin he has committed and taught such a lesson as to remember it for the rest of their lives as a reminder of the crime itself..never to repeat it in the future . ( Apparently, this is done to instill a professional mentality into the students !!! the phrase WTF comes to mind. )

At 10.30 AM the library faculty informed me they had two cards with them and not the three they had so generously doled out 4 years ago. In order to give clearance you must return all the three library cards. 2 of my cards had a fine on them ,by virtue , of the university postponing exams by an entire month because of the great Calcutta political tamasha ( civic polls ). Anyways , they briefed me on the steps to follow to get my clearance.
1) to write an application to the library authorities ,so that their kind selves may check for the library card.

2)to make a police General diary with the local police station . Get a signed photocopy from the police and submit the same to the library .

3)Pay a fine of Rs 50 for each card lost.

I insisted on skipping to Step 2 but nothing doing .Lest they miss out on the bounty of a HUGE (!!) fine which was due on the card found from the library.

Off we (cause there were other callous souls who were guilty of this crime !! ) went to the local police station .. a mere 20 min walk from the college in the sweltering heat. At the police station we were told , as is the norm with most policemen, just as keen to harass people , that we had to submit proof that indeed we possessed the library cards in the first place , like they did not have more pressing things to look into than going around searching for lost library cards !
OK ! So we were required to submit xerox copies of the cards with us , or a signed and stamped statement from the college that we actually did posses a library card.
Unfortunately , i had not been so thoughtful as to "free" my 2 other library cards which were on fine from the library faculty , before setting of for the police station. (what was i thinking !! ) . Another of my friends had lost all 3 cards and needed a signed and stamped statement from the college. Plus , we were required to modify our applications for the general diaries and add certain other relevant details ! Like they were going to actually look into it later !!

We walk back to college . By this time , our mortal faculties at a stretch by the energy sapping damn heat ... yeah ... we were getting the apt punishment for our heinous crimes !

When my friend informed the librarian of what the police had asked. That he actually needed to sign and involve his name in police affairs !! The guy was out his senses !! It was comical ,stenching of wide eyed hypocrisy when the guy freaked out and started running around college to decide on the next course of action as he clearly did not want to be involved in police matters !! Lest he be held accountable on a later date !

This courageous genius finally managed to find a guy from office who had contacts with that police station. The office guy calls up the police station , chats with the police on the other end of the phone... apparently they were on really pleasant terms and the police demands the students be sent back to the station immediately .... college verification wasn't needed , didn't matter , cause if you have contacts nothing matters ! The college office guy and the police guy were on such jovial terms that he reacts to the situation with a few choice bengali expletives which the office guy relates to us in low voice , lest the decent middle aged ,young women co -workers and guardians of prospective students sitting in the other side of the room should hear such language !

I on the other hand clear my two other library cards , get them photocopied ( Imagine getting library cards photocopied... could this get more lame !! ) .
Finally we walk back to the police station , and submit the documents with all changes made.

On returning to the college at 4 pm and oscillating between college to the police from 10 to 4 for a library card !! we were rewarded for our endeavours with that all essential library clearance .All in a days work. Shit happens.

The keys to a happy and successful life

2010-06-01T15:31:00.018+05:30

(READER DISCRETION ADVISED)

1) BE RICH .

2) STAY RICH .

3) GET RICH IF NEITHER OF 1 and 2 APPLY TO YOUR CURRENT STATUS.

HOW TO ACHIEVE OPTION 3 : GET RICH ?

4) BE GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO AND MAKE SURE WHAT YOU DO GETS YOU $ AND MAKES YOU RICH. IF WHAT YOU DO DOESN'T GET YOU $ ,FIND SOMETHING THAT DOES THIS IS THE NOBLEST WAY.

5) ATTRACT AND KEEP A PARTNER WHO IS RICH AND USE ALL YOUR GOD GIVEN TALENTS TO
MAKE YOURSELF INDISPENSABLE UNTIL THE POINT OF MARRIAGE, AFTER THAT LEAVE IF YOU WANT TO.

6) IF OPTION 4 DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU AND YOU ARE NOT SELF EMPLOYED THEN KNOW HOW TO PLEASE YOUR BOSS SO THAT YOU NOT ONLY KEEP YOUR CURRENT STATUS BUT ARE ABLE TO IMPROVE UPON IT.

7) BE A GOOD LIAR.
REMEMBER NEVER TO BE TOO STRAIGHT AS THE STRAIGHT TREES ARE THE ONES WHICH GET CUT FIRST.IF NOT A GOOD LIAR, PRACTICE AND BECOME ONE.

8) LEARN TO GET THE OPTIMUM OUT OF PEOPLE.
EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN CAPABILITIES TO BE USED
AT THE OPPORTUNE TIME. HAVE A GOOD REPERTOIRE OF PEOPLE WHO CAN COME TO YOUR AID WHEN LIFE TESTS YOU.

******************************
PLEASE NOTE THE ONES NOT FOLLOWING ONE OR MORE OF THE ABOVE OPTIONS WILL LEAD A PAINFUL ,MISERABLE AND UNINTERESTING EXISTENCE UNTIL BEING UPROOTED BY LIFE'S CHANGE AGENT - DEATH. kyun ki bhaiya , sabse badha rupaiya .......

Listless emotions

2010-05-04T23:54:00.003+05:30

I am Sorry for yelling out at you at times ...for venting my frustrations and my shortcomings on you . For being an irresponsible , ungrateful son . For not acknowledging how hard you have worked for me ...for spending the best part of the past decade leaving home at 7.30 in the morning and returning at 9 at night only to repeat the same ordeal the next day .
I am Sorry for complaining to people at times that i feel pressurized at home and comparing myself to people my age who lead more carefree lives and comparing the responsibility they have to take with whatever seemingly big worries my little head thinks at times.
You could have quit . You could have laid back and not striven for a better future for your family but you didn't. I have at times failed to recognize this . I feel ashamed of my thoughts . So ungrateful and undeserving of the life that you have built for me ...for us all. The hours,and days and years that you have striven and continue to strive for making our lives better ...for making us better.
I am sorry that many a times I fail to recognize this ..
Thanks for putting up with all the hard times... the crap people from work ... the intolerant rascals around ... in order to make my life livable.
I cannot even comprehend how hard it must be for you .... how someone can work for 14 hours a day and still keep going. I am in awe of you. If God grants me half the will power of you .... i will be grateful.
I know i can never tell you this in person ... but ....
Thank you...Thank you......

DONE AND DUSTED

2010-04-23T12:41:00.008+05:30

For the very few friends i have made and met here ....i will just like to say a BIG THANK YOU for sticking by me and standing up for me when i needed it. If i am happy and successful at any point of my life it will be for people like you .........and i will remember your words and memories .

Finally , it has ended . The time i referred to as college 'life' ... if there was indeed any 'life' in it has ended and strangely enough i am not nostalgic .... no not one bit .

Reactions of people i have spent the last four long years of life with ,have been indeed a steep learning curve for me and they still manage to shock me even on this last day of college..... It does not indeed feel great when people you consider your "friends" ( i hate how loosely i have used that word cheapening its value ) , remark that either you'll be fired from the company you got into or the company will go bankrupt because they hired people like you !! Indeed , its not becoming of a "friend" to laugh and ridicule you for getting a job and mock you for it .. Indeed , it doesn't help to try and have fond memories of college life when people you have spent the last 4 years of your life with on civil and "friendly" terms ....... tell you , when you share your dreams of getting higher education from a reputed place....... ----- " first go and learn how to manage yourself before trying to learn man-management " ..... Yes , even on this last day they must prove that college life indeed was a bitch !

Indeed, it has not been a total waste as without teaching me what to do ... my time in this college, has taught me the what not to do , the type of people to avoid and how to react when people say stupid things ... Indeed , i have become more matured .

Indeed , these are memories that will make me forever curse myself for joining this college and the people like the above mentioned ones . Indeed , such was most of my college life ....Indeed ... I am not nostalgic ...

Big brother is watching you

2010-03-23T23:35:00.005+05:30

They made us confess . We were bound to confess .Sometimes they threaten you with things so horrible that you want it to happen to anyone but you... even if that anyone is .......
In the end we only care about ourselves. Nothing else matters . No love and no loyalty can survive in the face of relentless torture. It breaks and beats you into shape..

To Julia and Smith ... the thought police ... thought crime ...
newspeak ..the ministry of love ...the ministry of peace ..... To Big brother...
To O' Brien ... The revolution ... To power ... To the party .

Ignorance is strength. War is peace . Slavery is freedom and freedom is slavery .

To love . To doublethink . To the High , The Middle and The Low...

To the foolhardy ....

"And under the spreading chestnut tree ....
I sold you and you sold me......... "

searching...

2010-02-28T02:55:00.008+05:30

The reality is sinking in ... man its scary ! Don't know if i'm good enough to be a good enough anything ..... Too many fears taking human form and crying out from the shadows ...Too many challenges ...too many pressures and responsibilities...are we really sent here to suffer ? Only one solution to distract my mind from my problems ...work ..work ...work ... am i searching for an alternative to stem the onslaught of endless terrors ???.... which is the better option... an escape route or a stigma to stand and fight .??...expect that i can't stand.... the ground beneath my feet is shifting ...am always on the move ... emotionally and spiritually.... and don't know the right path or whether there is one...or whether its true what they say ... that there's power and power alone... no right and no wrong ! ...if that be the case and most probable it is ..as all logic points to it...then ethics and values go for a toss and all i've learnt in my life is worthless....assuming power is all that matters ... how do i get that power....don't know where i am going...don't know where am from... am moving ... trying to navigate my way through those endless shadows.... expect though i know those future demons ...and they know me ...they are my present ... they are in my thoughts already ...its only a matter of time before they embody themselves... let me live... I am ... I can do this .. I have to ..... I have to find that spot.......... "where the mind is free and the head is held high ". searching ...............

Rocket Singh,Corporate governance and Ethics

2010-02-04T22:02:00.007+05:30

I have been bored and aimless for the past 3 weeks. The kind of aimlessness which is bound to set in after the trauma of an horrendous xat result and 2 months of preparations from Cat in last week of November ,then university semester exams in December and then a campus recruitment drive in the start of the new year.After having somehow screwed myself out of the above trials and tribulations, finally, there was nothing more to strive for, no next exam looming over my head and hence no pre-exam night deliberations with my conscience ....to keep me awake in bed till 4 in morning.
One of the things which i have been unable to find a solution to and whose solution i knew - only i would have to find ... was that the mask the future me would have to wear in the workplace and how my little conscience can never come to terms with that as this mask often becomes us .... Something that scares the shit out of me.
Secondly , the corporate atmosphere is by most accounts a dirty , wretched place where one has to adopt unethical means to climb up the ladder and where most often honesty and hard work are overlooked for people who are good at doing the boss "favours". Where you have to kiss up to the son of a bitch/ bitch who is your boss and adopt unethical means to survive ...let alone get a promotion .... where you always have to wear this kissing-up mask ( unless you are an asshole by nature in which case the point of this post will be completely lost on you ). This mask ... is in essence a form of you which would best equip you to deal with your work surroundings ,ensuring your financial security by donning a mantle ...at the same time belittling the self that was you. I do not want to wear that mask .
IT was with the above problems still unsolved by my measly little mind that i started the watch the latest Ranbir kapoor starrer Rocket Singh - salesman of the year . As dubious as the name may sound... it was actually a very fascinating and inspirational movie ...one that answered my above problems.
Hardeep Singh is a straight old fashioned guy ...who still believes that business should be without corruption and bribes ...and is also bit slow to catch up with the conniving ways of the his sales world . Hardeep is recruited as a sales trainee in a big computer selling firm and is shocked when his boss berates him for not obliging an important client who asked for a bribe.
Hardeep's conscience wont allow him to cheat his customers ,make huge profits on sales from small customers and give that profit as bribes to the big corporate honchos. At office he has become the joker in the pack , the dumb trainee who has ruined his career , the straight honest guy, whom the ruthless corporate world wont allow to succeed.
Hardeep has become and is feeling like an ignominious employee and is faced with a choice.Whether to adopt the ways of the business world... to put up that mask and contrive people of their hard earned money and lose his character in the process .............or to leave the job . Hardeep decides on a third option . He is going to stick with the company and change the way it does business from within.
Soon Hardeep starts a small parallel company with the aide of other disgruntled colleagues and calls this company rocket singh sales.Rocket Singh sales has ethical business practices and provides computers to its customers keeping profits low..and concentrating on the human aspect of business more than the profit involved. Soon, Hardeep's parallel company eats into the profit of the mother company . Hardeep's boss finally realises that it was his own employees running this rival company,criminal proceedings follow...and soon Hardeep has to lose his company and his accomplices fired from their jobs .
Hardeep's company is merged with the mother company. But , the brand of Rocket Singh sales had become so reputable and its customer relations were so unique that its customers refuse to do business with the mother company once Hardeep and his pack leaves.Finally , Hardeep's erstwhile boss...the corrupted manager of the company begs Hardeep to return .. Hardeep refuses. The manager is forced to give back Rocket Sales to Hardeep .
Out of the above drawn out discussion ..what i am trying to say is .. one need not change just because the world needs him to ... follow your heart ...ye job chala gaya ... to koi aur dhund lenge yaar ... but i will always stick to my beliefs. The mask need not become me...will never become me.
As a parting note - the genres and storylines in hindi movies are fast improving... which is a great sign and bears testimony to an educating audience and nation. It is not often that i find answers from hindi flicks . :-)

To my dearest Erin

2010-02-01T22:52:00.011+05:30

I owe this to you . How strangely we met , how strange our first conversation was and how often have we come to talk ! I remember almost every one of those weird conversations ... some bordering on the insane ,some more practical , some comforting and some even inspirational ... but above all ...all of them fun filled. Let me state it outright , that even though we have hardly seen each other a couple of times , i consider you to be one of my closest and dearest friends ... whose advice i have come to depend upon and whose smile has made me smile ... and given me a reason to smile when i had none ...you have been the one who has taught me to be happy ... appreciate life ... and take all challenges which life can possibly throw my way in my stride.
Your childish craziness has been infectious ,your words ,smile and charm have uplifted me through the darkest of emotions ...and your unbridled enthusiasm has given my soul wings to fly ....and my heart a bond to cherish. Your advice and practicality have tempered my emotions when i have felt disgruntled with society and life in general.You have made me feel wanted.U have made me into a better person and for that am i forever indebted. You saw me when i was invisible... and for that am i forever indebted.
The ways of the world are strange and we have proved that we can be stranger still.We may never meet ...and I may not never be there by your side ..to hold your hand when you cry , and I may not be there to laugh with you in your moments of joy ..which i am certain life will shower upon you and God bless you with blessings manifold, but i will always be there with you in spirit ......with all my heart and with all my soul .
I do not know the destination of this friendship.... bonds are brittle and that makes me skeptical and insecure.... but what i do know...what i am in no doubt with whatsoever ...is that i am a better person ... a stronger entity ...a more wholesome individual ...a more dignified man ... a more loving,caring and gentler angry young man ... than i was before i met you ... and its all because of you ...every fiber of my being screams out its allegiance to you for making me a better man . For you , your wisdom , friendship and the hours that you have dedicated to me.... i can this day stand up and say ...truly ... Life is beautiful.
Maybe its the strangeness and randomness of this friendship that makes write this in honour of you....It takes years to know a person .... As time goes by... i may know more of you .... but i am in awe of the idea of you....of your personality.....your strength ,wisdom and beauty which is there for all to behold ...and the lucky ones like me to appreciate... and this idea of you is everlasting.One that the tides of time can never wash away.
Mere words are insufficient to repay the debt i owe you...and to quantify my feelings for you ...Maybe if one day i can do justice to the trust that you have shown in me ... i would do justice to myself and you ... And all i can say for now .... is thanks for being my inspiration , for putting a smile on my face and renewing the hope in my heart ... the hope i had when i was a child ... thinking that the world was an exciting place and Life a beautiful gift ...You have rekindled that hope Erin...and i will never let my heart lose that again. You and your idea will inspire me...will protect me .. Erin with this i depart.

Destiny's child

2010-01-19T22:05:00.004+05:30

I don't know what to say really . It has been one of the most eventful weeks of my life ..... The gut wrenching feeling ,the agony, the pain ,waking up with a heavy head and not being to get out of bed till late afternoon ... followed by another daylong ordeal but the ending was sweet. It has been a steep learning curve , one i will treasure for the rest of my life . They say all's well that ends well.. but life does not seem a fair game to play at the moment . The insanity and harshness of it crying out ... the anguish of that unfairness burning the cloak enswathing that initial euphoria of success.
Every man has but one destiny. One of the more famous quotes from Mario Puzo's classic The Godfather. Never has this statement seemed so true ...never have i felt its true power until the events of this past week. We live a life we do not choose , life never works out the way we want it too.... pessimistic statements they may sound ... but such,in effect, is the harshness of that dreaded word ... Destiny.
More than the day of triumph(if i may call it so ) . The penultimate day will hold greater value to me. I learnt hope is a wonderful thing , i saw and felt how a ten minute chat from a friend can inspire and take your load away .... i learnt how happiness really is a state of mind...an art ...so simple... that its simplicity is hard to find ...and hence tragically lost amongst the complexity of our mundane or elaborate thoughts .
I do not know what to say. I do not have to say anything. You and I both now know that life is a game of chance ...we are all but Destiny's children ...be not worried .... for one day lady luck will smile upon us all...Keep the faith.If my friend , you may read this now , and judge me wrong ... forgive me ... for i have erred. Take care and may God Bless.

simple is divine

2009-12-29T01:40:00.005+05:30

simple is divine -So it goes
Not all questions have answers they say
Have only one teacher in my soul
Look and you shall see - the truth
Don't distract the mind from its goal

Don't complicate me , simple is divine
I am an empty cup , that'll be filled in time
Guided by only passion and truth -
is what i want to be

At night, I hear the whistling winds and you call out to me
Don't get any closer or I shall have to leave
If i choose to stay , I'll die silently

Caged by agony and conditional lies
I don't want to be that guy
An open prayer and not a silent song am I

Broken and plundered by the promises of time
Don't get any closer or I shall have to leave
In search of truth and truth only am I
You truly love only once in life
Everything hence ...a compromise.
simple is divine

It's Complicated

2009-12-22T22:15:00.007+05:30

The world says ..it cannot be ....
but i do believe in fantasy

For what is a man without hope ?
She's the sacred spirit that guides my soul.

The world may laugh ...
call me an idealistic fool ..
"she's not for real " they say ..
"it'll never be" .....

She's an answer to my prayers
but an idealistic notion to naysayers

whatever the feeling i do not know
she makes me grow .. gives me life ...
love and compassion when i have none to find.

The sum total of all i hold dear ..that's her ...
Wherever i may be ..she'll follow me .

Everyday this bond i share ...grows stronger
out of the struggles of day -to-day life
Nothing life can bring can surprise me
As long as she is near... i'll be me.

My heart says ..i do not deserve her
I do not deserve a feeling so pure...
Trapped in the world of insanity
She is all i have ... and that's enough for me.

She makes me grow stronger everyday
i'll say it once?... i'll say it clear ...
I think i love you ..my dear
Wish i never lose this feeling ..
That's all i have to say ...tonight.

----------------------------------------------------------

systemised

2009-12-14T01:19:00.007+05:30

Running away ..
but you got a debt to pay ...
if not today ..it'll swallow you whole some day ...
Crashed and burned ..
broken down...stop the rewind...
don't let it take your mind.. accept the grind
engulfed by darkness ... desperate search for light
don't rewind ... the alley is blind
where shadows congregate ...
where the mind has ceased ...
rest in peace.

2009-11-16T22:47:00.006+05:30

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

The cold November rain brings with it a promise ..a refreshing air ...As if , Nature soothing us to coax us out of our self imposed shackles.

Imagine all the things you wanted to be ...dreamt of being when young...when your heart and mind weren't restrained by surroundings and the world as you knew it then was still a mysterious place ....one brimming with opportunity ...and there was an exciting fear about every new day ...a strange happiness out of not knowing ...not worrying about what the future might bring .. and what vocation you are best suited for .... a time when you didn't feel burdened with the weight of responsibilities .... when you knew that you were special... and unique... and you had a destiny ... your path had been chosen .... drawn out for you.... and everything would fall into line ... cause you believed... cause you trusted in yourself... everything would work out fine .

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

That my friends.. is greatness... that unbridled enthusiasm ..that joy of living. that thrill of adventure of what the future would bring. Yes , our souls were great once ....cause we had that passion for living ....
We were great once.... Can we not be great again ?

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

We need not be shackled by the vagaries of our surroundings ..the filth and distrust which society has inhibited us with . Cause we are special and are the masters of our own destinies.

Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Botticelli Angel

2009-11-12T16:52:00.008+05:30

Like cherry cakes and milkshakes...
My Botticelli angel ... Like the flowing waters of rivulets
you carry me to distant shores
And keep me longing for more...

Like flowers and sunshine ..
I am afraid to call you mine
The genie that purged my soul
And purified me to the core

Yet I do know...that wherever I may be ..
Your memory will comfort me ..
This has been long due..
Ever since the essence of you I knew ...
We help the other when one sighs
Let it be so ... for now ...
and forever more..

========================================

part plagiarized from "before sunrise"

2009-10-01T17:47:00.001+05:30

I have meaning to fill this place with some more of my pseudo intellectual inconsequential ramblings for a while now ... but as with any that's well written ......... it has to come as a spurt and without cause... a moment of inexplicable propulsion into the stratosphere of meaning..... i wait for that moment.
I am being compelled to accept the conclusion that luck plays a major part in life. If something good and worthwhile has to happen it'll just happen ....something that would bring one unprecedented amounts of joy and happiness ....... then it would just happen !! As dumb as that may sound ... this in fact is the truth . Goodness happens out of the blue . (Yes, right , this is dumb ..... but the truth ).

WE(and by we ,I mean I ) tend to over-think things ..over complicate simple matters ..... which need not be treated and thought about more than their face value deserves... Most times ..things are indeed .... what they look like ... Think in real terms more .... keep things simple.

Traveling has an important role to play in our lives . The more we travel and get acquainted with different cultures ... the more we enrich our own characters. The changing landscapes ... and the expanding social boundaries impart a lot of strength to anyone's character ... hmm.... i wait. signing off. :-)

Clueless

2009-09-10T01:06:00.004+05:30

These vague strings are pulling me ...
The sound of silence is magnified ...
Negativity is being amplified...
The dearth of common sense is astounding
Silence is resounding ...
The pleasure in the pain is compounding ..
The hollowness and emptiness is confounding

The proximity to reality is blaring
The headlights of the past are glaring
I try to pull myself free... of responsibilities and history
They have a hold over me...
They won't let me be ..
Its a sad sight indeed... Where will this lead ?

The questions are many .. The answers too few ...
What will I form ... Which color ..what shape and hue ?
I don't have a clue ...
I need a little spark ... But it's raining too hard ...
The fire wont start ...

Soaking wet ... In reality ...
Clueless Indeed.

Troubled

2009-08-17T01:16:00.004+05:30

Stop talking. Hypocrite .Stop wasting my time. Stop babbling. I wish I could blurt out an insult... Maybe that would make you stop. But then i'd feel bad.Stop talking.

Have you taken a look in the mirror ? I cant stand your sight.Look at you . Why did I get into this ? Why am I wasting my time with you ? Why am I here ?I am much rather better off ... with my thoughts ... Me alone.

Thoughts - weird,dangerous,disturbing,fantasizing - the likes...flowing through my head ..every moment of every day. I don't even think I'm sleeping when I'm asleep....I'm talkin to myself. That's psychotic .. Is it ?

Why do I like you people..one moment ...and then abhor you the next ?? Every action of mine is a self contradiction. Troubled.

Grandeur and the Grunge

2009-08-17T01:11:00.002+05:30

Go back to where you belong
To days long gone
Simple times ... Simpler rhymes
Days when all would fall in line .
And there weren't any need to retrospect or
read any signs ..

The world ..it seems ... has turned to technology ,
I don't get this Ideology
Why would one want to get work done faster and fill the void ...
With more ... work ?? Where's the logic in this ?
Why cant we just kill time?

Don't you think that family values have taken a back seat ?
In an age when politics and religion are intertwined .
Sanity ...... has become a crime.
That's the grandeur and the grunge of modern times.

Better Late......

2009-07-30T00:23:00.007+05:30

Don't let your circumstances get you down ..
Don't get affected by other people's mentality ... cause you can't change 'em
.........
Things take their time ....hold on
You can't change your destiny.... neither .....
shirk your responsibilities.
what's meant to happen........ will happen .
Don't think too much .... you can't change anything by thinking ...so stop.

Above are glimpses of conversations.... innuendoes ...... i've been fed over the past couple of days........
Whats new ? Nothing.
Actually worse than nothing.
People around me keep moving on.
Everyone... i seem to be talking with seems to be doing something ...
Something....
Changing.... Evolving ....
Nurturing .... dreams, hopes and aspirations and taking positive strides towards their fulfillment.

Yes,another semester has started in bong land .
Surrounded by an all too well known nepotistic bengali mentality .....accompanied with the rather new ... the rather dull... the rather unrealistic.... the rather vague......the rather unclear views of a so-called changing city ..and its political landscape.

The overawing feeling i get is that i am late ....I have missed the bus .
I did not do enough.Did not be true to my feelings and stand up for them enough when it was needed.I did not work hard enough . Think seriously enough ... Supported myself enough ...the list is endless.

I take longer to realise some things than others would.
My good friends will tell you i am an astoundingly horrible judge of people.
I am delusional...I am childish in many ways.... Too straight and emotional ...to be the one i aspire .... Mostly ..Above all.... I am always late....

Those voices again keep telling me ....

It's better late than never............

at this moment ... I feel ... I would better be dead than late...

Signing off...

Mutual Understanding ...

2009-07-17T00:46:00.004+05:30

"You had to screw it up dint you ?? "

" Like hell i did !... I wanted to be in power ... I fed the beast .. made it grow "

" See what you have done now ? The frankenstein you created is destroying this place "

" So what ?? I did what I had to... "

" But what of the People ... ? The ones to were supposedly charged with looking after ,ruling over ... what of them ? Who'll help them ? You created the monster !!... Kill it now !! "

" But you see ... I can't ... Killing it will destroy all Hope i have of recapturing my throne ...Don't you see ? "

" Well If you can't neither can I ... If I raise a voice I'll lose out and make you the beneficiary ... I can't dare upset the beast .... But what of the people ?? "

"Guess ... The people ... just have to suffer ."

" Guess so ....." .

Reality

2009-06-30T19:46:00.005+05:30

CAse 1 ........ Park street - Walking by the park at 8 pm on an saturday evening and a non-bengali teenager lurches out of the darkness .... and asks " college girls ?? college girls ?? " .................. ????????? what the fuck........

CAse 2...... - Smoking a fag with a friend on the street side .... a Bihari dude... riding a fast bike from the wrong side ... loses control , slips , skids to a stop in front of us .... friend has the stupidity /audacity to say " excuse me ...aapka galti hai ... .wrong side se aa rahe the ... " ....... all hell breaks lose ........ DUDE retaliates with a barrage of threats and gestures....... and i find myself surrounded by hostile faces...... older saner Bihari comes and defuses the situation ..........

Case 3 ..... - Children about 4/5 yrs old playing on the streets all day ... using the most sexually explicit language imaginable ........... accompanied with hand gestures.... OFCOURSE !!

CAl has lost its voice. It's people .

YEs........ this is the CAl that we once knew .............. A deranged society filled with anti-social elements ruling the roost .... No morality . No culture . No Hope .
An no one dare raise a voice ... you shall get branded anti-secular / political ... etc etc etc .... CAl has lost the tag of being one of the favoured places to live in . It can no longer give you a piece of mind,security, sense of compassion and hope for the future... with the current political scenario future looks bleak . CAl has changed ... The only reason this city hasn't fallen totally to the gutters is because it is the eastern command of the army . When the rest of India has taken strides forward .... CAl has fallen into darkness.... And no -one dare raise a voice. Please ... carry one..... spoil our city even more.... we don't care...really ... what can we do ? After all we were just born here .... You guys have come from all - over .... you guys are Indians and hence have equal right to defame the culture of this place ... Please Go on ..... we can't dare raise a voice... You guys are the vote bank ... No one will hear us .. Please Go on.

Security lost ... Deserted and Left

2009-05-15T23:55:00.003+05:30

The peace has Left this place ... Peace has Left without a trace .
Yet Innocence searches for a quantum of grace and solace .
This land ,My land has been swept away by the Tide Of Times
...As I keep searching for a line that rhymes ..
To Express to you... The Hatred of losing my lovely Land

Who robbed this land of it's character ?
Why do people around me keep leaving this place .. ?
Friends ,relatives and neighbours ... some i've known for years ...
Some more recent... Yet they are leaving just the same !!

Who has failed to keep up the promise that this land once held ?
Is it the people ? The Government ?
Who has made this state Just another dying race ?

I look around me ..In search of Hope ... But there's none to find. ..
When my friend's keep leaving ... why should I be Left behind ?
In this life ... sentiments have no place ...
Reasonableness is the call of the hour ..the Day !

This land is lost ... Too much is wrong .
An irreversible cycle has been surreptitiously put into place ..
Secretively a new order has emerged...
One that wields it's ugly head time and again .
This land is lost ... It can't be reclaimed ...
My friends..

I can see Doomsday looming large.
But I can't warn you ...
I can only silently watch ..
As this Plague destroys my land till nothing is Left .
Oh ! But there's nothing Left in this place .

Hope the powers that be .
Realize their mistakes...
Hope they reverse this the cycle of Hate ..
But its only a foolish dream
Words i say out of sentiment ..
And sentiments have no place ...

I long to be at peace ...
One day ..I shall have my peace......
But .. Not Yet ..
Not yet ...

COnfused

2009-05-06T23:40:00.003+05:30

Who am I ? The most difficult question that I shall ever have to answer . I am a sum of parts ....rather than a whole .... a cluster of incongruent parts constantly striving against each other to become the 'me' of that moment ...for that day .

I do not know me . How can i be so diverse and complex when i profess simplicity on the outward face ... ? How can i be equally attracted to polar opposites of entities ... I am an amalgamation of contradictions ..... What surprises and worries me ... Is the fact that ... none of these different me's is the dominant 'me' .

One part of me says I am a burden to my friends .... that i should really care for people more... the other part says i already care too much .......... One part of me is able ,upfront and confident ......... the other ..... a confused entity sulking all day long . One part of me says I have a good life .... the other want's to run away and be 'independent' .

Many things influence ,inspire and leave indelible impressions on our lives .... every day .... something is added to our self . We may not notice it... But every day we take a new form ... one that is unique ... one that we have never been before.

Who shall i be when i wake up tomorrow ... ?? I do not know my friend . :-)

Never judge a book............

2009-04-17T23:33:00.009+05:30

I don't know the reason for my self imposed exile from writing ...The lack of new ideas ,the absence of anything 'eventful' in my rather dull ....ordinary.. social life,and the never ending fiasco i call my college has added to the monotony.Just sick and tired of college and way things are run there . But am not writing this to whine about anything .The inspiration behind this post is the rather extraordinary life changing performance on a reality TV show called "Britain's got Talent" by a 47 yr old unemployed single lady ,with shabby clothes and grizzled hair going by the name of Susan Boyle .
She comes on stage. The expressions of the judges and audience leaves nothing to the imagination what they think of her ....when she declares she always dreamt of being a pop star....... She isn't blessed with good looks...... She has never even been kissed... When asked what age she was.... she says 47 ..and with a gyrating movement of her hips (!!!) cheekily declares "But thats only one side of it " .
The judges give her a sarcastic go ahead when she says she wants to sing "I DREAMED A DREAM " ..the les miserables classic..........Now ,to be fair to them up until this point i myself was one of them ..... thinking this woman to be another joke. I mean .......like....... Come on dude !! ....... How can a 47 year old nobody ...who looks like THAT ever deliver a good show . This was to provide a good comic relief i figured .
Then she signals for the music to start and from then onwards what followed was a masterclass in the most refined,impassioned singing one shall ever see . A sobering experience for the viewers . A lesson for our cynical minds . A reinforcement of the age old adage of never to judge a book by its cover . It was the "ROCKY " moment ........The "ISTANBUL" (football lovers will know) moment of reality Tv. Even if this lady never sings another tune in her entire life she has achieved greatness .
This extraordinary show by a previously 47 yr old nobody epitomises what's important in life . Her genuine nature has won over the world in those 4 minutes of fame. She had the the cynical crowd and the judges purring with delight at the end of her song... a standing ovation from the once cynical audience and 20 million views in 6 days and counting .... the angelic voice ... the honesty ..... and a message to the world......
" never judge a book by it's cover " ! :-)

The link to video is given below ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4&feature=related

BELEIVE

2009-04-15T02:36:00.005+05:30

"We can do WHATEVER we want to ...
whenever we want to ....
IF we want to ....... "

random post........

2009-03-29T01:24:00.007+05:30

I don't know how the past few weeks have passed me by . Have been dwindling and sleeping away my time. The lazy feelings that comes with being a procrastinating bong,the laid back calcutta feel and the energy-sapping summer afternoons of cal seem to have gotten a grasp over me. Time seems to fly by so quickly ...too quickly .
New Year's seems like yesterday and April is knocking on the door.
Nothing much seems to have changed though . The traffic is just as loud , the streets just as dirty ... the people just as diverse.
Silence has been a loyal companion to me over the years . And its something i can repose complete trust in .It has brought me out of the madness ...the silliness of people around and my own .
The lack of opportunity here in this city i love....is dreadful to say the least. Calcutta has its nuances ..it's old world charm .... mixed with the poverty ,the dirt ...the madness .... and it takes an equally mad soul to find reason in this world of the mad M and the bad B.
National elections are around the corner ...and the political circus has well and truly gotten underway.With political backstabbing...dirty underhand deals and the usual fanfare that accompanies an Indian election the news channels are having a field day .
A government will be formed nonetheless ,with an able or not-so-able Prime Minister governing over his/her 'cause-driven' disciples.Yes the madness shall continue ...
whoever may come to power ....BUT .... what change does it bring to the country ..if any ? Does the common man really give a damn who talks his/her non-sense at the top... when there is nothing but deprivation and want all around ?
It better not to think too big . Better not to worry about the big picture.Concentrate on my own life. Making a living for myself . That's enough for me . That's what everybody does.
What if the system is screwed up ? I am a part of it. Too small and insignificant an object. So are we all. Roll on.
Calcutta .... dirt ... poverty .... madness... so what ?
kolkata ache bhai .... aar calcutta nei

Fool... Fool...Fool

2009-03-22T01:50:00.008+05:30

"Everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
But you and I know what this world can do
So lets make our steps clear that the other may see
And Ill wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me"

A lapse of reason.... foolish yet heartfelt
An Utopia it is ..I know ...
No worries when this thought is with me ...
A brighter Yesterday,today and tomorrow

I drift through the greens ...
The Broken fields ..mountains ..oceans ...
The vivacity of life enriches me...

So foolish ,yet kind ...Can't I hold this feeling forever ?
No broken sigh..... .
I love this Audacity of Hope.
Please Life... To me ...be kind.

Then I lose the thought .... I don't know how ...
Don't know why .
Who made me lose Hope ?
It's like i've taken a few steps back again.
Maybe...I don't want to get hurt anymore...
Broken expectations has dealt me a tragic blow.

This is the only me you get ...
The one who depends on himself...
No one else.
I am mine.
This Life is mine.

Yet,I fall into the trap again.
This expectation from myself...
A foolish mentality ...
I dream in airs ... without a trace of logic or sense.
I dream big ..yet do not know the work to be done hence.

So .. I pray to Thee ...
The Higher power above ...
Bless me with logic , love and good sense.

"We said we'd walk together baby come what may
That come the twilight should we lose our way
If as we are walking a hand should slip free
Ill wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me"

May God Bless .
Goodnight. :-)

Blackbird

2009-03-17T23:15:00.017+05:30

Shattered glass strewn across the floor
A conglomeration of mismatched images galore
Wallowing cry from distance..condescending me from afar
The black shore , the black tide ..where do I belong ?
A silent night...nothin stirs... I can't sleep
My head weeps ....My nightmares are too loud ..
Echoing cries come back to haunt me...
Glimpses of HOpe,Faith,Love.. Illusions all ..
The trust is gone... Cynicism is my right ..
Yes Cynicism...And hatred for it all...
I want to escape..but hands are tied...
No am stuck here... With this voice in my head ..
It won't let me sleep... I cry out....
I try to weep... the tears have dried...
I cannot but my anger vent ... I don't know
What cause is this ?? ... who had this anger sent ?
A black bird..comes flying by ... I look into her hollow eyes.
Am laughing...I mock myself.....
The BLAckBird has set me free.....
COme over to the dark side.

short film ...

2009-03-17T17:36:00.003+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onj_ncbdKSs

the best... :-)

2009-03-15T00:53:00.001+05:30

When you walk through a storm,
Hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm,
There's a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind, Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

YNWA

Mediocrity sucks

2009-03-11T19:10:00.011+05:30

Some people are awesome apart ..and sadly... morons together.
Loathing in hypocrisy . Searching for something i can never find.
Why can't I get my head out of the clouds for once? ?
Mediocrity sucks.
Want to leave this place...and run ... move far away ...
I appreciate what I got here ... I love calcutta ... Always have.
But can't help but feel I am being held back here ...
A different flavor of life beckons...
Is calling out to me everyday ...
In what hue ...
In what shape and form ...
I can channelize my talents I do not know
...But I KNOW i shall never know unless I leave this place .
I don't want my growth to be stunted and my life's decisions molded by my surroundings.
I have to try .
I have a dream.
I do not know what it is other than ...
a long-standing urge for FREEDOM.
This never experienced yet unrelenting desire .... is killing me.
I need to wake up .
Tired of people telling me I'm no good .
That i can't .
Assuming what i shall be...
What I can achieve .
TO hell with them.
Never achieved shit ...Don't assume for what I can or cannot do.
Mediocrity sucks.
I CAN ..

I CAN ..

I CAN ..

I HAVE TO ..

'cause Mediocrity sucks.

The ride before the fall

2009-03-08T02:40:00.003+05:30

Times have changed and times are strange
Here I come, but I aint the same....

Lotsa things ... hav happened during the past week... been busy filming a documentary.
Yes it may not be too good ... but i enjoyed making it.... have never stayed up till 6.15 am in the morning before.... enjoyed writing..narrating...camera work n editing... yes it was fun .......... i will make another one in a few months hopefully.

Human nature... ah well... what to say ......... hate college .... (yes again) .

Times gone by seem to be
You could have been a better friend to me

Think........ in the air !!

2009-02-18T20:27:00.001+05:30

For years in passion ..rekindled ..rewashed..
In search of you ... I drifted out to sea
All i could remember was that moment in the sun
When you took away all my fears... Pain there was none

The morning sun..the spring breeze..
A smiling you ... thats all i need ..
Wait for me..dear one...
I'm preparing myself .. Stay ...dont go...

I don't wan't to worry anymore...
I hope I am the man i want to be ...
You stay the same... wait for me ...
DOn't change... I will ...
A better man..is what i shall be..

So in search of you .. I drift out..
To sea ...the seagulls fly over me ...
The cormorants ..they dive into sea
..The big blue... Where mermaids play ..
That's where I hope I shall find you ..someday

Alas the twain never shall meet ... I'm afraid ...I dont know ...
your thoughts visit me like the fallin rain
Stay ... DOn't go !

Those Golden Moments

2009-02-12T00:55:00.009+05:30

How different my life would have been
If I'd had the courage to speak up then
No one told me not to speak
I just lacked heart to believe

I had that exuberant feeling then and there
How different it all would have been
Had i listened to myself ....speak
I had what i had wanted all my life ..
Yet i don't know why ... I didn't take it

Now i wait ... again ...
For the next such moment to arrive
And I promise I won't let it go ... this time
This time... I will choose to speak ...

For these moments are God's golden gifts ...
To be taken ...not forsaken
I have made mistakes i know...but now I know
The value of not letting ...these moments go ...

So now I work ... With patience kind ..and
With an open heart ..for the next moment to arrive
I promise I will take the chance ..
The next time such a moment will arrive..

My Confession

2009-01-20T16:02:00.021+05:30

No matter what you say
This truth i know
The me you see is a cold disguise
A mask i wear ... that shall swallow me whole

You say I'm a pleasure to talk to
But the pleasantries we exchange
is fake... I'm playing you ..
All i do is play a role
That shall swallow me whole

I shall never live upto your expectations
cause what you think of me is a lie
It's only a disguise i put on to use you
When behind your back i mock and ridicule

I laugh with you ,seem nice and decent and put on a show
To make you feel good about tomorrow
When what I really think of you is that you're sick
I fool myself ,I'm digging a hole
My hypocrisy and lies shall swallow me whole

I laugh at you.. mock you behind your back
When all i'm really doing is burying myself in lies
Nothing i say to praise is genuine
All my compliments fake

They are lies to gain your trust ..
right now this confession i make
They are only lies , Only a blind disguise
I'm digging a hole today
One that shall swallow me whole...someday

I confess i'm ashamed for not liking you more
I confess i'm ashamed for that look of trust i see in your eyes
The trust i break everyday when you turn away .
In my attempts to play with you... I'm killing myself ..I know ..
I'm sorry but this disguise has overtaken me..i can't let go .

I wish I could stop, I wish I played with you no more..
For I don't want to pretend anymore
I wish i had the courage to tell you face to face
I don't like you ..i've never liked you... my friend
But this mask is me now .. this is me

My sins are unforgivable ..I shall have to pay
I feel nothing really matters ..so i play with you instead
No matter how much care you show..The trust and respect you give
It won't stop me from digging this hole ...
Of hypocrisy and lies which someday shall swallow me whole.

Friend ,this is my confession
I'm telling you this today
This is me ..
the one you call your friend

I'm unworthy of your respect and love
I'm unworthy of your time
I'm telling you all this because.. MAYBE
MAYBE YOU FEEL THE SAME.
MAYBE YOU ARE THE SAME .

please let me know .......

============================================

Lucky Thirteen

2009-01-13T02:28:00.001+05:30

This post is to impress upon you my new found sense of "Hey ...i'm growing up ! " . It has been an eventful past couple of days . Well eventful by my standards anyways .
Managed to keep myself off a street fight (yes yes...a real one... brash punk and i took it well) and accepted two difficult facts ,responsibilities (and i would like to think reacted well to them ) that i would have had much greater trouble dealing with before. So yeah ... i'm glad about how i conducted myself over past few days ..something i havn't been for a long while back .

Maybe its got to do with the global economic downturn..people losing jobs ..worrying about their futures that has given me this new found sense of greater self importance as opposed to the previous worried hallowed sense of impending doom.Now that everybody else seems to be worried it makes me less worried.... Or maybe its because i am slowly teaching myself of letting go of this fear of failure i've held all these years . Slowly but surely i'm learning to let go of false hopes and expectations from people.... and more importantly ....... from myself !

College re-opens tomorrow ..and well i do love college ... so damn much . (sarcasm ..laugh u ) .. It shouldn't be bad ... will continue with the formula adapted for the last couple of semesters ... "no lab .. no use going to college" .I'm telling you .. with all these 'couples' in class its quite awkward entering it .... don't know quite where to look ... every angle seems to have a different posture from one of those newly built lover's parks being enacted ! ... (okay ..now laugh ) !

Having got THAT outa the way ..as i was saying ... I seemed to be growing up ..
So many things to be thankful for ... and yes it was a REAL street fight i managed to wage off with my super cool patience in the face of blinding hate from a drunk idiotic punk .....be it at the cost of being at the receiving end of a few choice words ...Hmm..can't have it all my way .
Now as i keep congratulating myself for finally learning to understand reality better .... you guys wait patiently for my next post ... which shall be just as nerve racking ,enthralling , practical ...cogent discourse... Cheers ... n till we meet again ...Good evening ... Good afternoon ... and Good Night !

========================================

Broken trust .....Stays broken.

2009-01-10T15:30:00.000+05:30

Treachery can never be forgiven.Trust once broken can never be regained.I value respect as equally as important as love..if not more so ..in any relation . Respect and love ... whether between friends , lovers or relatives. Once that respect is lost ,love cannot survive .

Once trust has been broken...no matter how much effort goes into trying to rebuilt
a relation the erstwhile sweetness can never ever be regained. The seeds of mistrust once sown can never be removed. It takes years and years to know someone ..to built trust and it takes just a moment to give it all away ... to destroy everything ...to spoil all the hours ,days ..years ...gone into making that relation ... any relation.

This scares me . Yes, I am afraid.

For me ..due to broken trust ... a relation or friendship i may have had ..has been broken it stays broken for good. I do not want to reconcile. If i am in a position to help out such a person I shall.If i am in a place and time to have a laugh ..share a joke with this ex-trusted entity i shall .I shall maintain all the reasonable formal norms that society expects ..but never ever shall i consider ...never ever shall I give such a person the opportunity to make a mockery of me and my time again .I don't care why the relation didn't work .Why the trust was broken...Who was at fault...I shall bear no grudges against such a person.. I shall blame myself first .. cause i was the one who trusted ..maybe i am at fault ..but the bottomline is that the relation failed ...The simplicity and respect of the relation is lost forever ..

Life is too damn short to depend and trust someone again ..to believe in a relation that has been falsified and insincere once.... is mind numbingly stupid .That's the conclusion I have come to .. thinking about this topic of broken trust ... Trust once broken for me.... shall stay broken for good.

There ofcourse are exceptions ... supposing a married couple with children ..and one of them finds the other guilty of adultery ... Or a son steals from his father ,his brother ...then invariably they must try and make it work .. they must try and trust in the relation again ... must ... cause we as humans would like to believe that things can be fixed ... we are too weak to let go ... we can't ... the moment we compromise by not punishing mistrust the respect is gone...and with it love and dignity of the relation.

Still believe broken trust should stay broken ... but we are often found too weak to accept ......when its over.......A nagging feeling always remains with second chances ...... that maybe it shall get spoiled again.... What was before can be no more...... no matter how much two people try ... when trust is broken ......... let it remain so .

Maybe I am too self respecting ...egoistic that i take such a view ... Maybe it's that i am willing to forgive (both myself and the other person) for the broken trust ..but not forget .. maybe I am wrong in this conclusion... but it works for me.

Happy New Year !!

2009-01-02T16:30:00.000+05:30

The world seems so much better.Everything seems to have quietened down .Yes , I could do this .I can get used to this.For the last couple of days i've been feeling at peace, less irritated with myself ..much less bitter with everything around me. It feels good. The simplicity of life . I don't know why this is so . Maybe it's because of the influence of my friends . Who are much much wiser than I ..and their words of encouragement and the way they make me feel so important and special ... I wish this feeling never ends.Maybe I needed this peace to feel good again... I don't know what it is.. that i'm suddenly thinking straight ... That i'm not killing myself worrying... and the point is I don't care what the reason is ... Maybe it's the long drives that i've been taking for the last few days ... Or maybe its that i've been living alone for the past week ..I don't care ! This sms one of my friends send .. picks me up everytime I worry.... it said something like work with passion and emotion but don't get emotional .. wise words ....and one i hope to follow always .. This other person from college i talk to almost everyday has been so helpful .i wish i always have friends such as these....i can't imagine the mess i was in about four months ago .. (one i have none but myself to blame for ) and how i am feeling now..... just so many inspirations and friends to draw my strength from .I never want to let go of this new found me ... This is the me i want me to be ..forever . One that looks at the positive side of things ...one that forgives.. one that is quick to judge myself first before pointing a finger at anyone else... One that knows my faults are far greater and am much more the screwed up mentally than anyone else i dare to blame. Hope i can gather courage from the positive influences i have around me at present and never ever ever ....let go of this new found spirit i seem to have found.
yes .. life seems good again ! :-)

Happy New Year everyone ! :)

Two Nations Born Hours Apart

2008-12-27T19:17:00.000+05:30

Two nations born hours apart ....
One broken into fragments by diverse cultures ,religions, ethnicity.
The other broken by varying perceptions of its sole religion .
Both suffering from the same ailments -
Of poverty ,corruption and dirty regional,religion based politics .
Both nations in dire straits to keep itself together.
Two nations riddled with human loss from the same cause.
One nation rebukes the other for breeding these vile beasts.
The other lashes back with accounts of its own set of discontentment with the extremists.
One nation's powers-that-be puts up a brave face to keep its government together.
The other's does the same ...but to keep its people together.
Both nations pile up arms and ammunition on that thin line that separates.
Two nations that keep warning the other that war can do either no good .
One nation standing on the brink of supposed greatness-
The other fighting with itself for its very existence.
Both nations as diverse ..with people -both evil or innocent as the driven snow.

Two nations born hours apart..Two nations that sadly shall forever treat the other with fear and mistrust.Two nations that mock each other behind their backs. Two nations ..that shall never ever stop going at each other for land.Two nations that perceives itself to be hard done by the other. Two nations trying to kill each other.. yet professing innocence on face and lips.Two nations with varying perceptions ... yet suffering just the same.Two nations that shall silently ,sadly ... shamefully be always at war.. with each other .. with themselves...

Two nations that were born hours apart ...

A Dream ..

2008-12-21T15:58:00.000+05:30

the warmth of the morning sun ..
the clear blue skies...the gently flowing breeze
standing on that green slope ..
everything seemed so pure
the world spoke to me in staccato notes

That moment was IT .. all that life had to offer was mine
That elusive quest of independent happiness was over
I was my own man ... that moment i'd dreamed of ..
since my infancy was here ...i let that moment enter me ..
Fill me up .. with all its rich purity and HOPE

I felt younger ... felt like i could run a thousand miles
And never get tired ...felt like i'd win ...
Everything felt so positive ..So damn Sure ... Nothing was impossible
I'd never felt such an attesting adrenaline rush in my veins before
Flowing through every fiber of my being ... I was ALIve

Yesterday had nothing for me ... A bad dream ..nothing more...
Only this moment mattered ... Nature ligated me with wisdom wise
Its dark rich colors and soothing ,silently soothing motivating motions
woke me up from my slumber of life .. I was MIne

I moved my feet ...went to the top of the hill ...
Before me the idle expanse of the open ocean ...
green and blue ... the rising and falling tides
undulating movements ... complete solitude ..
Inspiring Impressions ...of this HEaven ..

what was that wandering sound ? DAmn...
I woke up ...No more seeking .. I was Found
I didn't expect anything....No return ..
No more asking ... I am MIne.

who's right ?

2008-12-13T00:27:00.000+05:30

Is ruthlessness vital for success ? I wouldn't know.I have never been a go-getter...
Have always been propelled by the fear of losing ..as opposed to the will to win ...Would that will to succeed involve a certain degree of nonchalance towards our passions ?Sure ..some people can manage both ... but for folks like me .... (less brainy ones,lazy ones ) ... the word success accompanies with itself the baggage of giving up on the what i've been doing all my life .A forced change into an unfamiliar daily routine.

I want to change ...want to let go... want to be different ... But as S .Frued said people don't really want to to have freedom..because freedom brings with itself responsibilities.Is it those fear of responsibilities that has really been holding the real me back all my life ?

Some people are innately born with this desire to succeed ...no matter what it takes.
Others prefer to live in the comfort zone and not strive for it and appease themselves with the false consolation that in the larger scheme of things nothing matters ..success is relative and one only needs to be contended with themselves because man's desire for greater things will never stop .

Who is right ?

can't wait ...

2008-12-10T02:50:00.000+05:30

Can't wait for the 16th .. and start enjoying the simple pleasures in life again ... movies ..... good food....hanging out wid friends at park street .... driving (yes still learning ) ....reading .... anonymity ...can't wait :-) .......one thing that i will miss about colg are my walks back home from park street crossing or fort william ...oh well...can't get everything..... can't wait ...barista coffee ...chocolate sundae@ hobby center .. can't wait ....... :-)

random post

2008-12-06T13:50:00.000+05:30

Sometimes life has a tendency to kick you in the ass ..it makes you realise all the things you had taken for granted and assumed you were but in reality you're not . It comes as a rude reminder of all your incapabilities ..the shortcomings of character and the foolishness ,incredulity of you're thought process and you just wish you weren't so damn stupid....so damn useless. Those moments in life don't come often ..but when they do they tend to wake you up ... to the real world ..It strips away the false cushions ... and the sweet brutality of life is yours. These kicks do help.cheers !

Here and Now

2008-12-03T18:15:00.000+05:30

All i'll be is just a memory ...
an ideal quantity ..
Lost is an open sea ..for now
for ever..an eternity shall I be ..

The unacceptable proclivities ...
illogical ideologies .. No more of vanity ..
I want sanity ... In the darkness ..
Hiding from the psychedelic lights ..
No more a fool .. No one's tool ..
Shall I be ..

Fantasies ... Ecstasies ..Rapture..Bliss..
No frivolous delight ..Will I accept ..
No more damn lies .. No more of Untruth ..
All I want's the naked truth ..
Freedom .. Sacrifice .. All I want is to be free ..
Free ... from this Claustrophobic Society ..
And its rules... The System...it's killing me...
I want to be me ..

The independent me .. has to survive..
No more of me killing me ..No more walls ..
No more people...locality ..The open fields ..
They beckon me .. To get lost amongst 'em..
And find my lost sanity .. I want my freedom ..
I want to be me ..No loads to carry ..
No more fights ..Not me against me ..
No more..
Shall i be ..

Think less ..Do more ..
Make things simple again ..
Alone.. A light shone ..
The answer is here ..
The answer is within me ...
But i'm too afraid to let go .

Mr. kid

2008-11-28T22:00:00.000+05:30

hey sir... can u give me a dime ?i want some food ... m hungry ... u know i gethungry ... dont u ? You're six feet ... standing with a cigar in hand...blowing smoke...wasting five bucks on a fag ... can't u giv me two rupees ...to fill me?No no... i wil buy food .. i won't give it to my drug addicted dad ... he's out anyway from the stash ... Anyways... as i was saying ..look at you ..with your college dress and your shiny face.... standing tall...with a smiling face... and here i am ..All small and insignificant ...a losing race... yeah you're happy ... you seem happy ..there's nothing wrong in bein happy ...i want to be happy too ..u knw... can i ? you know everyday ... i see you guys walking out ...with your books and friends ...and complaining about life.. and saying maybe its a waste... a life for rent... i know am small ... but sir... u are lucky you know... to be standing tall...with all you got ....someday i'l b like u too ...i want to learn and join your college too...i sweep floors now... and do random chores... i'l make something of myself... am just 9 ...i still got time... look at me... with my tattered clothes and dusty hair... bare feet ... i still got a smiling face... one day i'll join school...now sir... will you give me those two bucks..i just cant wait ... i promise i wont give it to dad ... oh look ... there's your car ...ul leave soon... its time to go ..u know...i don't steal... will someone teach me to write or read ? can i be like all of you sir ... ? someday ..i promise...i don't lie... i'm hungry ..i want to eat .. please sir... please...i'l even wash your car ... just give me some money ... i'll touch your feet ... sir you stand six feet tall ..with a cigar in hand.. i'm not even half your size... i respect you sir... please... please give me some money ... i will buy food... i promise... i'm hungry .... Can i ask you something sir ?I want to learn... will someone give me a chance ? i know u can help ... please sir please.. you guys are the best ... i am honest ... i may have bare feet ... can i be like u people someday sir ? in clean clothes...but rite now... i just want to eat ...just two rupees wil do ..pls sir ..pls ..

A Thousand days ..

2008-11-23T11:37:00.000+05:30

A thousand days to live... not die
A thousand days not to pass me by
A thousand days to rise... not fall
A thousand days to make a courageous call

A thousand days to stand up tall
A thousand days for accomplishments
To have my head amongst the clouds ..
With feet firmly on the ground ..

A thousand days to make me .. not break me
A thousand days to think..be logical..to contemplate
Let go of foolish anger and malicious hate
A thousand days to ride life's hungry tide...
A thousand days till I'm 25

A thousand days to gloriously spend
A thousand days of joyous work...
To break the trend ...
A thousand days to have a life
A thousand days I shall call mine

A thousand days ... a thousand ways
A thousand steps ...a thousand says
But only one thought counts in those thousand days
That thought is mine... To build a life
A thousand days till I'm 25 ..

Oh Calcutta ! My Calcutta !

2008-11-17T20:38:00.000+05:30

Oh Calcutta ! My Calcutta..
Twenty years i've spent in thy shadows
Twenty years in this city i love ..
A city of dreams ..My home...

To me you are still the city ..
The city of Mother Teresa
The city where people still take a stand
Oh Calcutta ! My Calcutta ..
Please .. please don't lose your soul..

Many people ..and sometimes me...
Seem to think.. That you've changed ...
Left behind those glory days ..
Lost the charm that made you Great ..

You have changed in the past few years ...
With fancy cars riding down your broken streets
And glistening malls sprouting up in every nook and cranny ..
But have those winds of change..
Really taken away your nostalgic ways ?

But the thing that still remains the same...
In your pavements and in your walks ..
Are the undulating cries of an orphaned child
Who roams the streets ...the poor beggar still does cry
And searches for a place to live...
For something to eat.. For something..
To keep up their deadening beat ..

Oh Calcutta ! My Calcutta ...
Do you still answer their calls ?
Like the days of yore.. ?
Will you still take a stand ?
Lend 'em a helping hand ?

Oh Calcutta ! My Calcutta !
Please don't lose your name... your tag ..
Folks like me still look upto you for Hope ..
For us.. do remain the city we loved..
The city of joy ..With a heart ...

==============================================
I don't know how many of you see Calcutta this way..the way I do ...
This city ..our city is changing..has changed... just wish ,hope,pray...
we don't lose our identity ... that love we all share for this place...
and all that it stands/stood for ... in the quest for "modernization" ..
Let Calcutta be remain known as the city of Mother Teresa ... Where even the poorest can survive and die with an ounce of grace...Than a place where the rich grow richer and the poor get poorer... Lets not lose our identity in this quest of trying to become 'hip' ... Lets respect what we have stood for.... What this city has been known for... The place we grew up in...our HOME.

A thank you ....to all my friends.....

2008-11-12T23:07:00.000+05:30

Hello ...... whats up ?I am in the mood to thank all of you today...so thank u my friends. For being my friend and talking to me sometimes...whatever little we may converse ...thanks for being my friend...

It's just a gesture of thanks to you people who I dedicate my time to.... from now on i have promised myself that i will respect and have hope and faith in all of you.... just something that i want to pursue from this moment on....Just a new found respect for you .... the ones i dedicate my time to...and who dedicate their precious time to me.

For better or for worse....We are living in a very virtual world.Most of you I have not met in ages...Some of you i have met only for a few moments a few times ..caught a few glimpses of and exchanged only a few words in person with ... but haven't had had the need nor energy to strike up a conversation with then...at that point of time....Some of you i have never met in person...and will probably sadly never meet .... But all of you are my friends...because we have spend time ..whatever little that may be... exchanging messages or talking on the phone.... and some of you i have the pleasure of meeting everyday...of knowing ...others i have grown up with and feel humbled to still be in contact with you .......and still have the faith in our friendship to confide in each other .I thank you all.

But i know i will make mistakes.I have lost before....I can not promise you that i'll never lie to you.I will be a different person in a different situation in the years to come and so will you .I cannot promise you i will not start disliking you.We might not remain friends for ever..........We might have a misunderstanding and stop talking to each other.We may have a disagreement and not agree to disagree. We may for whatever reason lose the friendship we now share amongst us .We may lose contact ..because of our separate lives and not find the need to converse as I do with some of you now.... only time will tell.But,at this moment you are all my friends.

I know..these thoughts seem idealistic...even naive maybe.......but one can also call it HOPE .... the world has no more or very little of that these days.we don't trust anyone anymore rite ?? So i am wanting to take this leap of faith ..even if i lose ...i lose one of you because of the above mentioned reasons ... whats to lose..at least i'll b honest with myself ..that at one time we were friends...at this time i tried for a bond of trust ..of hope and dependence ...friendship.... ..which may get spoiled ... but at least at this very moment ... I am sincerely grateful...thankful to all of you.

She lives in Heaven..

2008-11-06T01:24:00.000+05:30

God took you to heaven and left me here -
In vain .... to remain ....
'Cause I'm nothing without you
Am half of what I used to be
You were my other half ...you completed me ...

We started as neighbors ...then friends...
Best friends turned lovers
Love which we thought would never end
Our joy to the world we could lend

You know to you I'd never lie...
And I wish I'd die... to meet you again ...
I hope ,oh how I hope ....
We shall meet again ...

Remember our first night ?
When we held each other so tight ....
From then on...
We never let each other out of sight
'Cause our love felt so right

Now I miss everything about you
The smell of your hair ,your scent..
The way you used to say my name...
And that oh so sweet smile..
That captured my heart ..... again and again .....

But with every moment that passes by
I long for you ...... and your oh so sweet smile ...
God was cruel to take you away
I've never forgiven Him to this day.

A flowing river .... that meets the sea ...
That's how I hope ..
You and me shall be ...
As I've loved you in life -
So in death shall I ..
From now till Eternity ...
We are one ... and always will be ..

You say that the river
finds the way to the sea
And as the river
you'll come to me
Beyond the borders
and the thirsty lands
You say that as river
As river
Love will come
Love
And I cannot pray anymore
And I cannot hope in love anymore
And I cannot wait for love anymore

--------------------------
italics part is from a song..

Avenging Angels

2008-11-03T00:43:00.001+05:30

There was silence.The initial sense of horror and trauma had subsided and he was slowly regaining his senses.His vision was blurred. The sky seemed to be covered in a cloud of dust and smoke.Smoke from the burning cars and the other not so inanimate fuels .He was too weak to stand up.The unbearable pain he felt ..that seemed to resonate from every fiber of his broken body made him curse God that he was still alive.He haplessly tried to grope his way amidst the rubble ..to his left..to his right .All around him was fire..smoke...and the charred remains of what had been .The painful heartbreaking cries of broken souls reached his aching ears.

But what about the others ...his two little Angels.... his two little girls .. Megha and Raina ... and his wife too..the woman he had spent the best years of his life with ... those three people who meant the world to him ..where were they ? Where they safe ?Slowly he felt numb...the ounce of remaining energy in his charred soul ...sapped away..he lost consciousness.

A few hours later ...he was to find out that he was the only survivor from the attack..the dropped bomb on the market had taken away those that meant most to him.This act of war had claimed what he had lived for.Whatever he had held sacred in life was gone...had been taken from him in an instant .His love of life had died with his two little angels and his wife. And at that very moment,he decided what course his life must take... only vengeance was on his mind....only vigilante justice would suffice.........

A later date - a different place...
The killer left the scene -
With no sign or trace...
Over the years he had become a shadow-
A fallen angel on broken wings...
His heart was cold ,His skin scarred -
This was just another job -
Which he had done ...

He was a killer now -
In full blood ..
There was nothing which could take him back
The bombs he planted ,the blood he shed ...
Was another reminder of that fateful day ..
When His Angels - a war did take away .

Jus' a thot ..

2008-10-29T19:10:00.001+05:30

Money can't buy you love...It can't buy you happiness...'Cause there r somethings in life ..which money jus can't buy ......For everything else ...there's ..well..money.

despondency ??

2008-10-27T17:41:00.000+05:30

I have been meaning to write this for sometime now...Something about myself ...To give this blog a sense of personal belonging ... however weird that may sound ! But the thing is ..... I am quite reluctant when it comes to writing about me....I quite don't know what to write. I don't have a happening "massive si love story" happening. And I don't have other 'exciting' things happening around me either... Neither can I enlighten you with an in-depth take on love ,life,politics ,etc..etc . No I'm just an ordinary 21yr old engineering student..Supposed to be studying...Supposed to be 'industry ready' (hate that expression) in a couple of years ...But what i feel is an overwhelming ,all-pervading sense of having wasted my time with these things. I mean ... I don't want to know the logistics of what a tiny chip can do .... I don't want to know what autometa /automata is (i still don't know how that's spelled ......)How are these 'great' things gonna help me ? What purpose can me mugging up such @$%#% stuff possibly serve ? I have been living in a bubble.. Yes a bubble of hope ,expectation,desires and dreams ...an all too vulnerable,intangible entity waiting to burst at any given time....... and cause tangible harm .Feeling despondent to the core . **sigh**

Lone Warrior

2008-10-25T20:38:00.000+05:30

I am lone warrior
Loneliness is my strength
All i have to help me
Are my hands and my own head.

Knowing myself makes me strong
For no one do i need to long
Why should i try and know the world -
When the world is so fake ?

The world has nothing to give
And nothing can it take
Why should I trust in others ?
When I can trust in myself ?
Why in others -
Should i have faith?

Facing the cold breeze of reality..
Or under the red sky at night
Alone in the wilderness called life
Makes the blood flowing through my veins feel alive.

I have nothing to fear
Only me ... and my thoughts..
And if I can exorcise all my own demons
My pains and fears shall be lost

I don't need no one
For I believe in myself
And for myself alone ... shall I fight-
Shall I live .... shall I die ...

A shielded us

2008-10-23T13:27:00.000+05:30

Why must we continually prove to the world that we are strong ? Why must we constantly put up a shield to cover who we really are ? Why must we be hypocrites ? Lets accept it. We are all hypocrites aren't we ?Me ,you ...and everyone you know..and have ever known and sadly ...will ever know . We all lie. Everybody lies. Why is that the way it should be ? I ask you ...whats genuine ? Is that smile we portray always genuine ? Are all our emotions always genuine ? Do we always speak our mind ? Why must we go through life making compromises ? Why should we put on a fake smile...and say Thank you when sometimes what we really want to say is .... Fuck you. No - That intangible shield must stay ...People never want to let others know what they are really thinking of. It's our protection.A cover against the fears we hold .We are all so reluctant...so afraid .. too lazy .. to let that shield down. We are afraid to let new people into that circle of trust we hold.

Getting hurt ... failure is inevitable .Its how we to it react that counts. Most often what happens is we put ourselves in this shell....a box...behind this shield ..................and restrict ourselves from the world around. But unless one gets hurt,one can never grow.If you never try you'll never know who you truly are...What the hell are we afraid of ? Of hurt? Of betrayal ?

Must this shielded us always continue ? Must these subtle games of society always continue ? Maybe i'm being cynical ... but expressing you're true self with the world around is perceived as a sign of weakness........It exposes us and who we are...Without any cover for support to hide under....Open to getting torn apart by the envisioned evils of this world . Hence ,why we feel the need for this shield. This not so fake ... but a rather protected.....Shielded Us.

Injustice Accepted

2008-10-19T17:46:00.000+05:30

"An injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere"
----------------------------------------------------

I accepted an injustice
I let it all go ..
'cause sometimes in life
You just have to say NO.

Was i right to accept what i did?
To save my own skin ?
To remain silent through it all ?
When i wanted so badly to speak ?

You were the one in power ..
The one who held the reins ..
But i have no respect ,
For a character so suspect .

I don't know why you did it ?
Don't know why you lied ...
Maybe what you did was meant to break me
But believe me you couldn't even shake me.

No ..the humiliation you bestowed
Has only given me new Hope
For its people like you I hate
The ones who misuse power and spread hate.

I know I degraded myself
To have reacted the way I did
Out of sheer shock to your lies,
To myself I've now apologized.

Every coin has two sides
And from this now i know ,
Many things about you -
And few others who put on a show.

No - I've learned my lessons
What you did i may have forgiven
But believe me when I say that-
I shall never forget.

You're still the one in power ,
You may try to hurt me more
'm up for it ..For you I do not rate
You are nothing great .. enough said .

I accepted an injustice
I let it all go ..
'cause sometimes in life
You just have to say NO.

Contrasting emotions.

2008-10-18T13:26:00.001+05:30

To whosoever it may concern ,

The first I saw of you.I hated you.You came across as one of those spoiled proud ..'I-am -superior to you' sort.Then we got to talking.I changed my opinion of you.We spent hours talking.We became great friends.Or atleast I thought so.We were there for each other,like good friends should.Slowly,our friendship took a different turn . I had never wanted to feel this way. It just happened.And now ,I'm to blame. I lost you as a friend.I made a mistake.I can't take it back.What's done is done.It can't be changed.I wish i was wiser back then.But i would like to think that I've learned from the experience.Am a better man from it.Life goes on.But I will always think of you as a mistake...my mistake.

Lost Cause

2008-10-18T01:12:00.000+05:30

A burning passion, a will to do good
He set out one day ,knowing he should
His cause was just,
But he wouldn't be the first

For many other passionate youth like him
Had had this thought of fighting for the same cause
A just and right cause -
But had failed to win.

He was too young ...
Too young to comprehend
But armed with valor and his noble wish,
Furious anger and a cold steely rage -
he thought he would win.

He kept working day and night
For His cause was right
He promised himself he wouldn't rest
Until he'd accomplished His quest.

The cause drained Him of life
It took away all his time
He kept working harder and harder
And prayed to God for a sign

After all..His cause was noble ..
'Twas just and right
He was up for the fight..
And needed no one by his side

Then suddenly it dawned on Him
What a fool he'd been !
The cause would be lost ..
His passion,though just ..
would all end in dust.

While striving and fighting..
He'd stopped living life.
Stopped all his pleasures..
And let The cause take all his time .

So he decided to start afresh
He'd be working for his quest
But now with friends -
For advise,support and rest.

Let his be a lesson
To all young souls
Fight in numbers...then maybe ...
A cause won't be lost no more.

-----------------------------------
Sometimes in life , no matter how motivated or passionate one is about wanting to achieve something good .. its not possible without other's help .

cheers ! :-)

A Constant Change

2008-10-15T15:44:00.000+05:30

The world was made this way...
Every new low is followed by a high
Someone's gain causes another pain
The ever delicate balance of nature must be maintained.

There's a serene joy in silence..
A tranquillity amidst cheers ..
A calmness precedes a storm
A change gives new form to one and all

Behind every great fortune
is a crime
At times for someone to live
Someone else must die.

In this world of upheavals..
You can't help but be strong
Keep your wits about you -
Don't let your thoughts drift too long .

True smiles are mixed with tears
There lies an excitement in fears
For every victory , sacrifices must be made
In every defeat there's something to be gained

For how long can one contemplate on a loss ?
Grieving is but for fools
When success can soon turn to failure
And every failure can serve as a boon

This world was made with power
Power and power alone ... No right.No wrong.
Rid yourself of worries..
For nothing can last too long.

Change is the essence of life
The only constant truth
It's the only thing that's certain
I say ... It's for good.

Cleansing Rust

2008-10-14T02:01:00.000+05:30

'twas back in the August of 2001
That i felt one of God's greatest blessings
Which goes untold,is meant for all and one...
It doesn't matter if you're rich,poor or old
It's joy is something to behold !

Before you get all greedy with lust
Let me finish my verse first !
It's nature at it's best
Lest one should get no rest ..

For its after a day of tiring at work
Or because of trouble unknown...
That this blessing is such a great joy,
Such a great joy to behold !

It lifts one's spirits high ,
It relaxes the soul,body and mind ..
I don't know what to tell you my friend
I guess it's just God sent.

It's God way of saying ..
"I'm here ..you are not alone ,
Don't worry , It's not you , just life ..
All 's still fine ! I'll make it go by ! "

So damn soothing ..so refreshing and so dear
Its like psychic therapy ..
Makes all your troubles flee,
Only that it is for free

Sometimes it comes so sudden ..
Sometimes it's just there ..
The world around you feels so quietened..
There's nothing else that can quite compare..

With every drop pouring down on your head
It's like a word of wisdom, that goes unsaid
It drenches ..cleanses all stress and rust
And leaves you fresh ,happy and just ...

It takes away all sorrow and pain
God's tear drops never go in vain
The blessing i'm talking about is but only a walk
A simple walk .Alone in the rain.

----------------------------------------
In memory of a walk down park street....a long time back...

Self Doubt and U

2008-10-11T13:12:00.000+05:30

There are three kinds of people in this world .Firstly ,are the one's you know instantly to avoid .Secondly,are the ones you talk to ....want to know more about ...be friends with .And then finally there's U.
U are the people that put up a false show ..a pretence of friendship and trust,only to break it all in time and leave one reeling in self-pity,doubt,hate anger,sorrow,pain and mistrust.U are the worst kind of people in the world.A disease..plague of society.The worst part is people like U never change.Everyday you live,i know U make someone else feel the same way I do about U....U take everything that's sacred ,good ... pure about a person...and use it to Ur own advantage....and when Ur through U leave 'em to rot...questioning oneself ........asking W-H-Y .
I know people like U have their talents.Others get attracted by it and mistake U as a 'friend'.They open themselves up to U .They 'trust' U...and U make full use of that 'trust'.Ur talents are nothing to admire.Cause what shit like U don't understand
is that with every betrayed soul U screw over....U make new enemies everyday...Friends turned Foes and it's all because of U.
People like U think they are popular.U take pleasure,even pride in the fact that U are popular.But U fool,U know what everyone says about the likes of U when Ur done playing Ur games with 'em? U think the ones U screw over don't warn their 'friends' about U ? Providence will catch up with shit like U .
Yet,I may be wrong........God above is a forgiving One. U may still be successful in life......and go about playing Ur games throughout Ur time.I may not be as successful as U.But at least i know I'll never be U .

It makes the world go round ...

2008-10-10T22:02:00.000+05:30

Money Money Money
thats all there is to it honey
You know the thing that's damn funny ?
no one can do without it sunny ...

They all want a brand new car
To go with their new guitar
It's always one after one
It never stops until your dead
But HEY ... don't stop just because I said !!!

People tell me "Hey kid...
Where will you go now ?
What will you do ?
How much moolah will you earn when you turn 52 ?! "

It's sad really ..
The way we think ....
If you think about it
It's not the money we make
But the WAYS we make it in !

We strive ..we fight
we got this one shot ..
one shot..to make it right
To end up out of sight !!

So for more and more money ...
people let their animal instincts free ..
And oh no ...they all end up in misery !
But HEY ....... is that such a mystery ?

Come now ..don't be sad ...
I too ... shall soon go mad !
And be what others want me to be ..
For this love of money and money only !

I'll lie , I'll die...
Work myself so high ....
And get others down ..
Come now , don't frown !

Not for love ...
And neither for hate...
Just for that lovely paper note
They call money mate !

Now someone will tell me...
"Money's .... It's a shame !"
Come now.....
"Don't give me that
Too good bull-shit ! "

Money Money Money
thats all there is to it honey
You know the thing that's damn funny ?
no one can do without it sunny ...

Innocence Lost

2008-10-08T21:52:00.000+05:30

This one speaks of a different strata of society ...a victim of circumstances.. an innocent soul dirtied by society ....Fate '.......

---------------------------------------------

On a cold foggy December night
Was born another child of India
He lay by his mother's bed
The room was dirty
The bed-sheet soiled ....
But little John didn't care
He was by his mother's side.

The days turned to night
And the weeks and months passed by,
He could walk and talk now...
the little One ....
The innocent child of India.

As He grew He soon found out
He wasn't the same as others around..
He wondered why .... He wondered how...
His father was never around.
He asked His mom , He asked her again
Where His father was ...
She couldn't reply..
She couldn't tell her dearest Son
That she was all He ever Had
That she didn't know who
His father was .

Little John's mother dreamt...
Not for herself... But for her Son
She saved all she earned,
Worked day and night for her only Son
She sent the Innocent One to primary school
She dreamt and dreamt that He would one day ..
Relieve her of all her pain,sorrow and wound
Hold a dignified corporate job ........
And all their troubles would be gone .

But Fate had other things planned .....
For mother and her begotten Son
The mother fell ill one day
And she wasn't to recover
Left the child ..Without support
To stand alone .

Little John's world came crashing down.....
Where was he to go now ?
What was he to do ..
When he'd lost the only person He ever knew .
Those days were tough..
After Independence ..
And little Indian town's like John's
Didn't have place for orphaned ones.

The still innocent child,
Roamed the streets.. in wide eyed wonder
And the only thing he still had ,
Was what was within Him .......
His heart ,His soul,His innocence ..
Which was soon to be no more !

One day the boy found a man,
That went by the name of Uncle Sam,
Who gave homeless kids like Him
jobs to do ... and a place to live.
He was wealthy .. He took Him in .
And made Him realise the jobs to do ..
And ways to do it in !

Soon the boy ,like others of Sam's clan...
Went about stealing ,robbing ....
And breaking bones .. with sticks and stones.
It wasn't little John's fault .....
What was he to do ?
After-all it was cruel Fate
That had made him a tool.

The years flew by and..
Little John was little no more.
Over the years.. He had climbed the ladder
In uncle Sam's clan .....
And had eventually become.. his right hand man .

But still John thought... of His childhood days
And the time He spent under His mother's loving care
And what He was now ..A shadow of what was to be...
Of Hope turned Despair .... A self betrayed ..
And wanted to change ... And regain ..
His lost innocence.

He wanted to leave ,He thought he still had time ...
To change ..To become the man his departed mother,
Had always wanted Him to be.
"This place is dead for me" - He said .
But alas ,before He knew ,
The law ..caught up with Uncle Sam, his clan ...
And their crimes.....

On the day of the trial ,
before a packed courtroom ....
Sat John, He would be made to answer ..
For His sins pretty soon .

Before the judge read out the sentence
He asked John ,"Do you have anything to say ? "
John just smiled ... and replied ,..
"It wasn't me Sir ...
It was Fate ....
That took my innocence away ! "

Bolshoi Booze

2008-10-07T11:39:00.000+05:30

Before you get all excited about the unusual naming of this post let me tell you that this post is precisely about ..............Nothing ! That's right .... i'm writing this just to kill ' precious ' time. Time ... that all important commodity ... that no one seems to have any of .
As much as i hate to admit it .... Yes , i was a science student for my plus 2 , and yes i did spend hours mugging up back then .You know how people say ... Time changes things ... "Give things Time Anindyo ... things will change " . . Time changes nothing . Changing things... doing things changes things...changing your thoughts and actions changes things ....It's pretty simple really .... If you want to achieve something you've never achieved before , you got to do things you've never done before. Its not rocket science !
So ,what should i be doing now so that i spend my time usefully ...so that i don't waste time ? Should i be up and about working.... changing things ... looking at things from a whole new perspective ? Should i make sure i'm not 'wasting' my time ? Now ... What does one mean by Wastage of Time ? I don't know .... can you explain please ????? What does Society ... the System ... expect out of us young minds ... should we work ourselves to the ground? Should we fall in line ? Should we become another brick in the wall ?
I love to think . I completely , totally , absolutely love to Think ! And what i figure is every moment of every day you spend .... adds upto ... culminates into the person you are going to be the very next . So what i really really want to do is just be happy ... to be at peace with myself and then the world will be at peace with me ... Happiness is all that matters , all there is to life , all that is important .... i just want to treasure it .. embrace it ...
John Lennon (i know, i know ... all my idols are either old or dead ) once said , " the hours you spent doing nothing ... maybe weren't wasted at all " . So thats my message from this post .. be happy ... don't worry ! Now i can stop with my rant .

darling pretty ....

2008-10-05T01:22:00.000+05:30

It makes you Fly
It takes you High
It makes you Laugh
And makes you cry....

It lasts Long
It takes Time
To forget and accept
All thats gone by ..

As i long to become,
The Man i want to be
Your Memory ..
crashes down on me .

Of the words spoken
The promises made
Of the dreams shattered ...
And the tears shed .

I know i must move on
I know I must be strong
I know you were not the one for me.

But still i wonder...
And still i know .... that someday,
"You'll be a star
In someone else's sky
but why why why ....
why ..... cant it be mine ???? "

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didn't really put much thought into this post ... it was really a very instantaneous ,disorganised thought .... anyways .... last four lines taken from one of my favourite songs .. cheers ! ;-)

smoke makes the man more profound.....

2008-10-04T23:04:00.000+05:30

A couple of weeks back, i don't remember exactly where that i had come across this 'amusing' statement .... but it certainly got me thinking .See, i used to be one of those 1st year engineering students who found the smell of fags so offensive , nauseating ......to the point of disgust . But one fine day ,about an year back .... out of i don't know what ....... maybe boredom ,maybe curiosity,frustration or just maybe some similar opinion as the name of this post ..... i figured I'll try one ... just one ... it can't hurt rite ? oh well .... about an year on ... and one wills classic has turned into a packet of Marlboro's . And now i guess , i can go on and become even more PROFOUND . ;-)

blog ?? hmm.......

2008-10-04T20:41:00.000+05:30

A certain Mr Aamir khan names his dog after a certain someone else... a certain Big B ... calls someone something else on his blog as well...Actually, the first time i heard the word 'blog' was from a certain female friend ... "hey .. check out my blog ! "....... now being the lazy,uninformed guy i am ... i admitted i had never heard of the word ... she explained how it was sort of an online diary ....
"hmm...... i thot " ..... now , this act of blogging ... sharing one's daily random inconsequential thoughts with other equally bored, confused minds didn't seem too exciting to me .... but hey ... after the disillusioning experience of two years in an engineering college..... and two more years left to go ........ and having spend loads of time thinking about thinking ... here i am ! oh ... and i hear many make a decent amount just by blogging ..... depending the number of ' hits' one gets ...ahem... rather , one's BLOG gets .... well ... i'm not here to make money .. just to share my ramblings ...
cheers ! ........ ;-)